Courage
by Venomis
Summary: Alyssae is a young elf girl, imprisoned in the dungeons of the goblins. Because she is of royal descent she is kept until ransom is paid. When she is freed by a company of dwarves, she decides to help them on their quest. They lost their burglar and she wants to thank them for saving her life. Will they accept the help of an elf?
1. Prologue

A sigh echoed through the cool pitch-black cut chamber deep inside the mountain. A sigh which was heard by nobody, except for the owner, who had less freedom to move than the breath she exhaled.  
Alyssae was sitting with her back against an ice cold wall. A wall which never became dry and made her shivering the whole time. Her legs were spread across the floor which was also moist and her feet rested against the wooden bars. The cell was too small to look around, which caused the felling like someone was harassing her joints with knives for days.  
A passerby wouldn't dare to associate her to the beautiful, magnificent elf race. Her once spotless face was covered with a thick layer of dust and mud. Her full lips showed countless scratches and the corners of her mouth were cracked because of the little amount of water she drunk. Her shining, brown hair was so messy it looked like it had never seen a comb. The fresh cheeks she once had were hollowed now and her cheekbones were visible. Her once bright eyes gazed forward desperately, accompanied by red and purple bags which doubled her age.  
The only things showing that she was really an elf, were her pointed ears, which were covered by her hair at the very moment. And still this was the reason she was stuck here, in a dungeon which seemed to be forgotten by the world.

The days that passed on escaped her, because of the darkness in which she was kept. She lost her sense of time. The only living creatures she had seen were the goblins who brought her water and bread once in three days. But those did not deserve that names. The bread she ate wouldn't be fed to the animals at home and the water she drunk was too muddy to sprinkle the plants. Even so Alyssae did not complain, for it was everything she had. Everything that kept her alive. That and her willpower. The inability to give up, even though all hope seemed gone.  
Although she was kept for ransom – well, she assumed she was – she knew it could take years before the goblin king came into contact with her people. But she had to hang on till that moment. Even if it would last a century.

Although it was a wild guess Alyssae suspected two months passed by since the goblins ambushed her in the woods. She was just walking and enjoying the nature, trying to get everything straight in her mind. Thoughts of Thranduin, her lover. At least, he should become her lover. Father let her know he selected him to marry her and since he was not an unfriendly elf she consented to the marriage. He was an elf prince from the South. She only met him twice, but there was some kind of friendship between them and Alyssae knew she could have been less lucky.  
How would he feel about her? Was he looking for her? Or had he given up her already? That thought made her shrink a little. It would be awful when others abandoned her, while she grasped every spark of hope. Hope to escape this dark hole. 


	2. The Rescue - Alyssae

Alyssae was separated from the rest of the world for such a long time, she didn't even paid attention to the distant muttering in the first place. Who else would it be, except for the goblins?  
No other living being came around in the last weeks. Well, that was not entirely true. After one of the first nights she was visited by an indefinable creature, which didn't bring forth anything but hoarse sounds and agitated hisses. He tried to grab her with his long, bony fingers, but Alyssae's cage fortunately was big enough to keep him away from her. After he figured out she was beyond his reach he left and never came back.  
The voices became louder and Alyssae realized they differed from the screams of the goblins she got used to. Although she couldn't understand the words that were spoken, the sounds were deeper than those of her guards. Still she couldn't imagine the meaning of all this.  
After a while she discovered the voices were in a screaming conversation. She raised herself with help of the bars, for she didn't had the strength to do it all by herself, and she ignored the splinters drilling in her skin. Her breathe speeded up while she tried to catch the new sounds.  
From the distance an odd light approached, which was accompanied by the shaking of lots of footsteps, seeming to multiply by every passing second. Other sounds reached her sensitive ears and she couldn't remember hearing such a row before. There was something going on definitely.  
The light came closer rapidly and in a short amount of time Alyssae saw it was held by a tall man with a sturdy beard. He ran across the slippery ground, followed by a row of smaller copies.  
Alyssae did her best to attract their attention, but her cell was hidden under an inclining wall, which hid her from view. Her throat was sore because of thirst and brought forward only a weak wailing, which got lost in the noise of the rumbling footsteps.  
She groped for the humid wall and humidified her fingers, after which she wetted her dehydrated tongue and palate. She shivered by tasting the metallic flavor, but noticed the spectacle next to her again soon.  
'Help!'  
This time her cry was nearly audible as well and tears of despair run across her cheeks. She hit the bars with her hands, which neither caused a lot of noise.  
'Just help me please,' she whispered, whereafter she fell exhaustedly on her knees.  
By a miracle someone seemed to have heard her, for a face appeared close to her's.  
Because of her isolation she was frightened by the brown eyes in which she was staring and she wasn't able to say anything.  
'Bofur!' the man yelled. 'Over here!'  
Now that her rescue seemed so close, she was full of new energy and she got on her knees, while she encouraged the man in silence. He was half as tall as she was and she had seen enough dwarves in her life to know she was confronted by one, although it was remarkable he hardly possessed a beard.  
Next to the man a second dwarf appeared, wearing a strange headgear. He started to swing his axe immediately. Alyssae stepped backwards frightened when the second dwarf almost cut her in twice by trying to hit the wooden bar. Nevertheless she crawled outside the moment his axe disappeared. All over the place she heard angry shrieks, by which she wondered if she was not safer inside the wooden bars of her prison.  
Despite the fact that they were probably surrounded, she knew her freedom was not far way. She stumbled after the two dwarves, hoping to find a way out. However, she was rather weakened and she lagged further behind. The dwarf with the brown eyes looked over his shoulder and she read the doubt in his eyes. Would he risk his own life to safe a stranger like her? Begging she glanced at him, but she couldn't come up with a reason why he would actually do something like that.


	3. Following the Light - Alyssae

Alyssae screamed when someone grabbed her shoulder. Fearful she looked behind, by which her nose bumped upon the pale forehead of a goblin. He breathed heavily into her face and she retched by inhaling the rotten smell, although she suspected her own breath didn't smell much better.  
The razor sharp nails of the goblin scratched through her paper-thin robe, which was made for breezy summer nights instead of cold, violent caverns like this. She didn't know which commands the goblins received nor if they all knew they kept an elf in their dungeons for months. Maybe this malicious goblin believed she belonged with these fleeing dwarves and wanted to split her in two with pleasure.  
Her eyes became larger at the moment her thoughts became reality and the creature indeed raised his curved sword. Alyssae tried to loose herself, but the goblin seized her upper arm like a stringent claw and she saw the sword coming closer and closer. Her cry echoed through the corridors and she squeezed her eyes anxiously, trying to postpone her last seconds while she helplessly waited for the definitive pain.  
Suddenly a second cry filled the air, which died away quickly. The grasp around her arm loosened and finally disappeared. Carefully Alyssae opened her eyes. She was filled with horror by seeing the goblin laying on the ground, while an arrow was stuck in his right eye. Despite of the relief she felt because she was freed from him, she hated to see dead creatures, even when they were her enemies.  
She was startled from her astonishment when a new hand enclosed her wrist. She wanted to wrest out again, until she saw the dwarf who shot the goblin. In his other hand he held his bow, while he pulled her along.  
The dwarf run surprisingly hard with his short legs and once in a while he had to stop to wait for her. While he waited he shot some more arrows at the goblins that came too close.  
Alyssae looked forward, where she noticed a weak light going back and forth. She knew it came from the tall man, who passed her cell not so long ago.  
'Faster, Kili,' the voice of the other dwarf sounded.  
The dwarf lifted his head and looked her in the eyes. 'We have to go faster, madam. I am not able to carry you.'  
The last thing Alyssae wanted was being carried by dwarves, but she nodded politely and tried to run faster, although her legs started to shiver because of the action they had to undertake after months of sitting still. Alyssae tried not to think about the protests which were raised by her limbs. She concentrated on the light before her. When she reached that she would be safe, she tried to convince herself.

Alyssae was afraid she would faint when the light disappeared. Everything seemed to go by unnoticed. The pain in her legs and between her ribs almost silenced her, but the unbelievable strong fingers around her wrist kept dragging her along.  
She did not fully realize what happened when they run through a small tunnel, which brought them outside. She lost her balance and fell down along the hillside. When her head hit the ground, she wanted to keep laying in the grass and fall in a deep silent sleep. Nevertheless Bofur helped her on her feet. 'We have to go further.'  
'I can't,' Alyssae whispered.  
'Just a little longer. We're full in sight here.'  
It felt like the dwarf commanded her legs to walk without her permission. She followed the men through the bushes. She didn't pay attention to the trees and the beautiful sky above her head, which she had missed for such a long time. The clean breeze she inhaled didn't fulfill her with as much joy as it would have done in a normal situation. She was dizzy, longed for relief and the moment they arrived at an open space, she collapsed.  
She heard a harsh voice asking: 'Where the hell did she come from?' and then the world around her faded away.


	4. An Elf From Chyndall - Alyssae

\- I am very sorry guys, but I forgot the chapter before. :x -

When Alyssae opened her eyes she saw a thick leafy canopy above here. She drank deeply the scent of grass and the sweet aroma of an indefinable plant. The moon shined on her arms, which were covered by mud and dirt. Crisscrossing cuts and scars ridiculed her once intact unblemished skin.  
She moved her attention to a group of men, which were discussing loudly as if they were miles away from the goblin nest.  
'We can't leave her to die.'  
'We neither can take her with us.'  
It took a little time before her stunned mind understand they were talking about her. 'Can I help you?'  
They were of course the dwarves who rescued her. Alyssae would be grateful forever.  
The voices became silent and thirteen pairs of eyes stared curiously at her.  
'Where do you come from?' one of the dwarves asked. His heavy, dark eyebrows made his gaze threatening.  
'I am from Chyndall,' she answered. It was a not well known community and she doubted the dwarves ever heard of that place. Normally dwarves did not wander around here and she wondered what they were doing here, but she decided not to ask for it yet.  
After the mentioning of her town angry snorts went up from the group. Obviously Chyndall was not unknown to them.  
'Is she an elf?' a doubting voice sounded.  
'She surely is. Other creatures do not live there,' a dwarf with a long white beard noticed. He surely was the oldest of the company.  
Alyssae glanced nervously at the dwarves. Some seemed a little frightened; others were overwhelmed or even embittered. Most of the friendly smiles were gone now and she looked at Kili in need of help, who released her from her cell.  
'She could travel with us until we have left the area of the goblins?' he proposed and he glanced at the grim dwarf, who spoke to her at first. He obviously was in charge of this mission – or whatever brought them to a place like this.  
'There other dangers will spy upon her, while she probably would be better off with the goblins. Besides; we do not have the time to escort her.'  
Alyssae folded her arms indignantly. 'I do not need an escort. As soon as I have a weapon, I am perfectly able to protect myself.'  
'Well, grab a stone and go ahead,' the leader answered indifferently.  
She clenched her fists angrily, but a calm hand on her shoulder made her turn around. 'Don't get exited by a stubborn dwarf, whose manners are unbelievable clumsy.' An old man – Alyssae recognized him as a wizard – looked at her with a friendly smile. 'Well then, I dare to state that this most pleasant company hasn't found the courtesy yet to introduce themselves?' He didn't wait for an answer, but started to introduce the dwarves. Although normally there was nothing wrong with Alyssae's memory, she could now only remember Thorin's name: the leader of the dwarves, who seemed to be blessed by very little tact.  
'I hoped you would have laid your old conflict with the elves to rest, now that lord Elrond did help you.'  
'Such a small deed was the least he could do,' was Thorin's stubborn answer.  
The wizard looked him in the eyes for a short time, but then turned his head to Alyssae. 'My name is Gandalf the Grey.'  
That sounded familiair, although she was not able to connect impressive deeds to his name  
'Mirthrandir?' she wonderded, thinking about the wizard whom visited her home town now and then.  
He nodded.  
'My name is Alyssae.'  
'Welcome, welcome.' Gandalf looked around. 'Now we miss just one more fellow.'


	5. Wargs - Alyssae

Alyssae let herself down in the grass, sighing, when the dwarves started to dispute again. This time it was not about what they wanted to do with her, but they questioned the loyalty of a hobbit. The dwarves disagreed with each other, but again Thorin predominated and in the end, only a few dared to deny his harsh words. It was a relief to know Thorin did not only spoke suspiciously about her, for he distrusted their disappeared fellow as well.  
While she secluded herself from the heated voices around her, she ran absently with her fingers through her tangled hair. She doubted if it could still be rescued or that she was forced to cut it off.

For a long time Alyssae was lost in thoughts, even though later she couldn't remember if these thoughts had been nice or disturbing. Anyway, she was startled when someone suddenly appeared in front of her – out of nothing. Frightened she crawled backwards and from many dwarf mouth upset shrieks rose as well.  
Next to her the old wizard chuckled, where after he took his pipe from his mouth and announced they were complete again.  
With curious eyes Alyssae looked at the hobbit. She only knew these creatures from stories and even there they didn't fulfill an important role. The hobbit was smaller than the dwarves and he was less broad. He also lacked the beard which characterized the dwarves.  
Thorin didn't even look at him, but ordered his men to get on their feet again. They watched the hobbit with distrust and suddenly Alyssae felt less lonely. She clearly was not the only misfit.  
'I am Alyssae,' she told the hobbit when the group started to walk again. They quickly found a tempo which was even fast for Alyssae – whose legs were twice as long as that of the dwarves.  
The hobbit shook her hand and declared his name was Bilbo Baggins.  
'I am pleased to meet you.'  
Alyssae confirmed his words, but noticed he was not very surprised to see her amongst the dwarves – or was able to mask his curiosity very well.  
She was eager to know where Bilbo had been, but rough barking prevented her from asking the question. She saw Bilbo pale from shock.  
'Wargs,' he whispered.  
It gave her the creeps. She hated the goblins, but she didn't expect them to revenge their leader without anyone being in charge. She was also overwhelmed by his words since she always believed wargs were the mounts of orcs instead of goblins.  
'Are they not normal wolves?' Alyssae asked with an anxious face. She was too weak to fight; she didn't even have a weapon to defend herself!  
Mithrandir pushed Bilbo in the back with his staff, so that he almost fell. 'Hurry!' he yelled and also in his eyes she saw a nerve-racking panic. If even a wizard feared for his live… in what evil did she bring herself?  
She noticed Bilbo's eyes flashing nervously from left to right. He held a sword in his hand and his other hand was hidden from sight by his pocket.  
'Run!' Mithrandir emphasized once more.


	6. His Overwhelming Pride - Alyssae

Alyssae had almost no energy after her long captivity. She hadn't eaten anything since her escape and she knew she couldn't run for a long time. But she didn't have a choice. Ending up as a warg meal would be a dismal answer to her freedom.  
When Alyssae urged herself to more speed, she noticed the distance between her and the hobbit became larger, while the dwarves run even faster. She was surprised their short legs could jumper such a distance in only a few minutes.

Yet after a few steps her muscles started to burn and a queasy feeling crept above alongside her oesophagus, so she became afraid to vomit. Because the wizard was around Bilbo, she hoped he would help the poor hobbit. He was after all a wizard.  
The barking and grunting of the wargs merged with the war cries in a language Alyssae did not understand, which worsened her nausea. They were not goblins. They were orcs.  
This knowledge urged her to run faster, so she caught up with the dwarves.  
'We are trapped!' Kili suddenly screamed before he came to halt before an abyss.  
With a pounding heart Alyssae turned around and saw the first wolf like monsters appear between the trees.  
Alyssae tried to control her breathing, but the fear came over her like she was wrapped by thick spider thread.  
'Elf!' One of the low dwarf voices sounded.  
She glanced over her shoulder, but they were all disappeared, as if they had vanished.  
'Climb in the tree.'  
Suddenly she noticed a dwarf with a braided beard, who had hidden himself between the branches. She lifted herself up on a branch and climbed higher skillfully. She startled when she ended up next to another dwarf – the one she wanted to avoid.  
Thorin stared at her with a ferocious look in his eyes, as if she had invited the orcs to come here.  
She looked away and climbed higher, so she could escape from his burning eyes.  
With both arms she clamped on a thick branch, from which she had a good view on the terrain. White flashes fled around, coming from the wizard.  
Once in a while she saw a little creature running from tree to tree, but he didn't seem to get in. Almost a minute she kept looking, until the wargs came closer without Bilbo getting into a tree. Mithrandir did everything he could to keep their enemies away, but the rest of them did nothing except watching.

Alyssae glided down. She landed light-footedly on her feet. Her well developed hearing didn't function the way it should since it was floated by the raw voices of the orcs and the barking of their animals.  
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, as if she could lose her conscious any moment. Mouse-still she stood under the tree, while she tried to orientate. The smell of orcs reached her nose. They were everywhere.  
Alyssae was defenseless. She didn't have weapons. Nothing.  
'Give me your dagger!' she screamed at Thorin. She assumed that he, as a leader, would have more weapons than just his sword.  
Thorin didn't answer and Alyssae's eyes glanced around, to different wargs which came closer. Their jaws widened and snarling they bared their razor sharp teeth.  
Alyssae cursed in a manner which was not appropriate to elves. 'If you don't -'  
Her treat silenced when a dull rumble sounded. Thorin stood next to her, with an angry face. He gave her his dagger, which had the extensions of a potato knife.  
'What the hell are you doing down here, elf?'  
'Bilbo,' she mumbled while she grasped the little handle. She had no idea where Bilbo was; she only saw the beaks of the wargs, foamed with rage.  
She resisted the temptation to get back into the tree. She couldn't let the hobbit down, even though he was not her responsibility.  
'This doesn't work,' Alyssae realized when one of the wolves jumped to them. With a brave strike Thorin separated its head from its body.  
Alyssae pushed him to the tree, while a new warg appeared. 'Get up!' she screamed. 'I have a better idea!'  
Thorin glanced shortly at her, but lifted himself on one of the branches. Beneath him the jaws of one of these monsters snapped.  
She climbed back as well. She glanced into Thorin's turbulent eyes, which looked at her in expectation.  
'I'll go alone.'  
She looked at the little knife.  
The lines about his mouth became grim again, but there was no time for discussion. Dwarves were no elves.  
She looked for a suited branch and balanced over the tiny twigs to the next tree, in order to escape from the view of the wargs.

The adrenaline which flew through her veins gave her a supernatural speed. She reached the tree under which Bilbo was standing, his sword pointed forwards like a spit.  
'Come here!' she yelled while folding her legs around the branch to help him. Heavily breathing and bathing in sweat he finally got op into the tree.  
Alyssae sighed in relief, although the situation was not improved. They did sit into a tree, but they couldn't stay here forever…  
All of a sudden a harsh voice echoed through the woods, which made her ears tremble. A giant pale orc screamed invoking words and it soon became clear Thorin was his aim.  
Alyssae sighed in disbelief. His pride was bigger than his intellect and he jumped out of the tree to confront the orc.


	7. Blood Stained Earth - Alyssae

With concentration Alyssae stared at the knife in her hands, as if the weapon would tell her literally to help Thorin or not. The enormous orc was almost three times as big as the stubborn dwarf.  
'Why does he even listen to that stupid orc?' Alyssae grouched.

Dwarves were not famed for their wisdom, but she would have expected Thorin, as a leader, to act differently.  
'It's a conflict with a deep history,' Bilbo knew. 'Every time they look into each other's eyes, their burning hate is fed . Once it's been enough.'  
Alyssae looked at the monstrous face of the orc. His eyes flamed indeed. His lips were constantly moving and although his words got lost in the cheers of his companions, she knew he spit out insults which drove Thorin mad.  
Thorin might be a stubborn little man, but it was beyond dispute that he possessed a courage many man would be jealous of. With his oaken shield in his one hand and his sword in the other, he faced upon a flock of wargs with angry drivers on their backs, while his fellows were hidden in the trees like scared squirrels.  
A courageous dwarf he surely was – but foolish. Maybe dwarf songs would be written about him, but Thorin didn't seem to be the type of guy setting out to become famous. He seemed way too down to earth. Although in the end it was all that was left of a living being: the memory.

Alyssae took her eyes off Thorin and noticed Bilbo was already half way the tree. He had a firm look in his eyes and she knew raising protests would be a waste of time.  
Her legs clamped around the branch on which she was sitting and she swung backwards. With both hands she grasped the next branch and in this way she reached the ground before Bilbo did.  
'We can't leave him to die,' he explained.  
Alyssae agreed. After all she was free because of Thorin and his fellows. She owed them much, but she didn't know how she – or Bilbo – could help him.  
Bilbo had a glowing blue sword and she had a nameless dagger, while they had to face slavering wargs, equipped with teeth which were so sharp they would cut effortless through skin and bone.  
Her thoughts disappeared when she heard steel clashing to steel. The pale orc rose above Thorin and grinned awfully, while Thorin defended himself bravely and tried to control his emotions.  
Alyssae was educated in the basics of magic, but already on a young age she found out she was not very talented. She was probably able to cure simple wounds but she had never been in a war and she had no idea how she could help him without suited weapons.  
'When you,' she started talking to the hobbit. She fell silent when she found out Bilbo was no longer with her. Afraid she looked around, but the hobbit seemed to have disappeared.  
Nevertheless, his voice hadn't left her. 'Don't care about me. I will sneak behind Azog if you help Thorin.'  
Alyssae was so stunned by Bilbo's disappearance she could only nod, although she felt just as unthinking as the dwarf she had sworn at a few moments ago. With shivering hands she held the knife, while an orc led his animal to her.  
Her knowledge about their language wasn't sufficient enough to understand his mocking, so he wasn't able to confuse her. Her eyes were fixed on the neck of the warg, looking for a weak spot.  
Quickly and skillfully Alyssae stroke when the warg bend his knees to jump. Her dagger pierced deep into his neck. A fountain of blood arose from the wound and sprinkled her like an unwanted shower from which she couldn't escape.  
The animal fell in the grass and its rider lost his balance and rolled over the blood stained earth.  
Alyssae lost her weapon, but she saw her chance now her enemy slipped around disorientated. She threw herself on the orc, who luckily wasn't as big as his captain.  
With blooded hands she squeezed his throat, while she tried to keep him down. Envious she looked into the ink black eyes of her enemy, which rolled in fear.  
Suffocation was an awful death. A low act of a coward, who overwhelmed a confident in his sleep.  
It was something Alyssae, who was fighting for her life, did not care about.

Slowly the life-breath of the orc slipped between her convulsive fingers. His mouth hung open and his thick, dark tongue dropped down like a slimy slug. The wild struggling came to an end, as if her enemy accepted his fate.  
Alyssae let go of the creature and picked up the sword the orc had lost during his fall. She glanced at Thorin, but found out she was still too far away from him. His resistance seemed to become weaker and he dragged with his left leg. From countless wounds blood streamed over his body, but he kept raising his shield.  
Alyssae noticed more dwarves were standing on the ground. They all tried to help their leader, but innumerable horrible monsters were standing in between.  
Maybe it had to be this way. Maybe Thorin had to fight his own war. Maybe she shouldn't interfere, something she could have lived with as she hadn't promised Bilbo the opposite.


	8. Shadows - Alyssae

Sweat ran down her back and between her breasts when Alyssae cleared a way to Thorin while she didn't stop fighting. The arrows of Kili helped her to free her way, although she didn't know if he was helping her on purpose. There was no way he could know what she was up to, unless a strange, invisible hobbit whispered secrets to him.  
She picked up an orc sword from the ground and put Thorin's dagger behind her belt. She hurt herself a few times since the blade wasn't put into a scabbard, but she swallowed the pain. The muscles in her arms burnt because she swung the heavy sword, which weighted much more than a weapon made by elves.  
She was seized with alarm when she saw Thorin was hit to the ground by Azog. He was lying on a bunch of rocks and was barely moving, although she saw his fingers scratching at the sword which was clashed out of his hands. The pale orc stood vigorously in front of him. With a nasal voice he spit out disdainful words. He raised his arm and Alyssae saw the tarnished metal of his sword sparkle in the sunlight.  
Alyssae had no idea what made her throw herself into the breach for the stubborn dwarf, who didn't even like her, but she jumped between them. With a raised sword she turned away Thorin's death blow.  
When their swords banged against each other, Alyssae felt like her arm was breaking. Her sword dropped out of her hands, but Azog – who didn't expect intervention – lost his weapon too. They glanced into each other's eyes for a long time. She didn't know if he was surprised to see an elf, but he didn't show anything. All of a sudden he screamed angrily and he turned his mighty head around, while he snarled at something or someone she couldn't see. Without taking her eyes of her enemy, she bent her knees to grab her sword. At the moment her finger tips touched the cold steel, a dark shadow slit across the sky. Terrified she lifted up her head, but she was too late.  
Two enormous claws pushed her against the ground. One of them dug deep into her shoulder and Alyssae screamed loudly. Her head slammed against a stone while she fell. Blue and green flashes cut through her eye-range, while explosions of pain seemed to push her into an abyss. The pain in her shoulder and head seemed to compete, both eager to become fatal.  
A different sound mingled with her screams. A smelling substance came over her face and streamed into her mouth and nostrils, so that Alyssae feared to drown. She tried to catch breath and wanted to raise her arm to protect herself, but something heavy pushed her limb down again.  
Alyssae coughed, spitted, retched and tried to get on her side to escape the suffocating fluid, but every move she made seemed to hasten her asphyxiation. Panic grasped her like an iron fist and it blemished her mind, so she wasn't able to think any more. Not knowing the source of this evil made her panic even worse.  
Far away from her a voice sounded, but it barely dawned on her and she had no idea if the words were meant for her. Tatters of memories danced before her closed eyes and chased away the flashes which attacked her since her fall. She saw the valleys filled with flowers in which she was raised, in which children played in the river bed and adults were sitting on stones, creating their melodies and rhyming words. She saw the sunset, which spread a colorful carpet across the world. A blanket, which became darker and whose darkness would overwhelm her in the end… 


	9. A Lonely Battle - Bilbo

It went terribly wrong, it echoed through Bilbo's thoughts. He did his best to distract Azog's attention by stinging him in his shins, but he was losing his concentration since he saw Alyssae lying lifelessly under a warg. Her face was unrecognizable by blood. Thorin had known how to get on his feet. He could barely stand up straight and although he had cut off the paw of the animal, he didn't seem to be able to do much more. He leaned on his sword and his lips were moving, but Bilbo doubted anyone could hear him.

Bilbo faced his own problems again when Azog's sword nearly stroke him. In the meanwhile the creature discovered he was attacked by an invisible enemy, but he kept compelling Bilbo to the mountain side.  
Droplets of cold sweat itched his eyes, while he seized his opportunities. He had to glide along the monster, which was a hazardous task because of the sword which seemed to cover every inch.  
Bilbo heard his heart bouncing in his ears, which made it even harder to concentrate. He tried to control himself, since he knew his on-going gasping lured Azog.  
He was little, he kept telling himself. He could take a spurt and dive between the legs of the orc. For one moment he wished he was facing Gollem, whose hunger he could postpone by riddles. Contrary to yesterday, only brute power was now standing before him- and a burning firmness to cut him in two.

The mountain side scratched his back unexpected, whereby he whined softly. Bilbo cursed his stupidity, because his cry drew the attention of Azog immediately. Bilbo saw the sword coming towards him. For a moment he was dumbfounded, without being able to do anything except for staring at the great sword.

Then his instincts took over and he dived to the ground. His knees and hands grazed and his jaws hit against each other when he touched the ground. Panicking he tried to get on his feet again, but his movements attracted too much attention. Bilbo felt a sudden pain in his arm when Azog stepped upon it. The bones creaked and flames of pain sprung from the bones of his fore-arm, which broke like matches. He screamed loud and let go of his sword.  
The world spun around. Because of the pain he couldn't separate above from beneath. Waves of nausea overflew him and made him throw up. With his other hand he grasped the sword, in a last hope to survive. He cried heart rending while he tried to cut off his own arm, to get rid of the useless body part. He did not succeed.  
Blood spouted out of the wounds he caused himself, but he couldn't make himself go further. He was dying.

Bilbo didn't even notice Azog kicking him aside like a dead dog, after which he turned around to go into the affray again. Mouse-still he was lying on the ground, while the ground around him colored red. It seemed like lava was spitted out from a deep hole. Everything got covered, but the source of the blood was extracted from sight. Nobody perceived Bilbo's lonely battle against the death, in which he tasted defeat slowly.


	10. Between the Trees and Stones - Alyssae

Alyssae barely noticed the weight upon her disappeared. She was rolled on her side. Someone hit her between her shoulder-blades and she retched. She spit out the blood she had swallowed. She felt terrible while she kept throwing up waves of blood.  
The more warg blood left her body, the more noises she heard. The sound of steel clashing on steel still echoed between the mountain sides, but was now mingled with some kind of roaring she couldn't identify. Slowly she rose. Thorin was sitting on the ground and it seemed like he could lose his conscience any moment. His face was bleak, like death already started to take him to his realm. His long hair was covered with blood and he stared with glazed eyes into the distance.  
Azog fought with three dwarves whose names Alyssae did not know. It rained fire bombs around her. She knew it could only be the work of the wizard. When she looked over her shoulder, she saw him and some others still sitting in the trees, compelled by snarling wargs and shrieking orcs.  
Where was Bilbo? Wobbling she got on her feet again and stumbled across the terrain. She held her sword in her hand, but the wedge dragged uselessly over the floor. She stroked her eye on a large spot of blood, coming from an unknown source. With the little energy that was left she hurried to the place. She knelt down on her knees on the bloody ground. Soft moans reached her ears.  
'Bilbo?' Her hands reached forward and she felt the fabric of his clothes. He was lying on the ground. She followed the forms of his body, until she found his face. She bowed to it. His lips were moving and he repeated just one word.  
Ring.  
Ring?  
Alyssae didn't know if she understood him well. Why would Bilbo talk about a ring? Suddenly she felt a hand on her knee, but it was so heavy and lifeless it could be her imagination as well. She groped for it and felt his stiff fingers. They were swollen. Quickly she slit with her fingers over his hand, until she indeed stumbled across the ring. She pulled it from his finger and all of a sudden Bilbo appeared in front of her.  
He seemed so lost she immediately forgot the power of the ring and she shoved the object in her pocket. His other arm was almost separated from his torso and he had wounds everywhere. She wouldn't be able to cure him.

Alyssae talked at a stretch: that Mithrandir would come to help him soon. It was a lie. The wizard was held captive in a tree and had his hands full protecting the dwarves around him.  
There was no way he could help them. Therefore Alyssae told him other things. She spoke of her birthplace and even about her fiancé. There would be a big wedding party and of course Bilbo would be a special guest. Also this was not true. Such as things were now, there would never be a wedding and after she finished her talking, Bilbo had closed his eyes and he was not breathing anymore.  
Somewhere beyond her reach he would indeed have a great feast, but it was certainly not her wedding party. He went to the place in which the hobbits believed – she had no idea what that was – and there he would get to know the enjoyments he missed on earth.

Alyssae withdrew and tears filled her eyes. Of all the people around her Bilbo was the one she liked the most. Because he was different. Because he didn't belong to the group, just like her. His sudden departure frightened her. Would she be the next one?  
The answer came immediately when something heavy grasped her shoulders. The ground disappeared beneath her feet and she got the feeling she was racked to the next world in one movement.  
The body of Bilbo became smaller and smaller, until he became invisible in the end, between the trees and stones.


	11. Secrets - Alyssae

They had entrenched around a small campfire, on top of a large cliff on which the eagles had lowered them down carefully. A small bending road led downwards, but the orcs could never climb up without noticing.  
Mithrandir took care of their wounds, so that Thorin and Alyssae were both sitting straight, unless their pain.  
The atmosphere was depressed. Nobody said anything and only the sound of the sputtering fire and Bombur's heavy breathing avoided a total silence.  
Alyssae sat only a few meters away from Thorin, but there was a constant tension. It was partially because of her that Thorin was still alive and the situation was exactly the same the other way around. She knew he was the one who pushed the bleeding warg out of her face.  
Both were too proud to thank the other, whereby they both stared into another direction. Alyssae told herself they didn't _really_ save each other. Their rescue operations would have been in vain when the eagles hadn't show up.

Finally it was Thorin who broke the silence. Who else could it be?  
'So we lost our burglar?'  
Unless his weakness and weariness his voice sounded just as solid as before.  
'Didn't he flee?'  
Alyssae shook her head. 'No. Azog smashed his arm. He bled to death.'  
Thorin looked right into her eyes and Alyssae did her best not to look away.  
She was an elf princess. She was not inferior to a dwarf.  
'Is there anyone to confirm her words?'  
He looked around, as if her opinion didn't really matter.  
'Accusing an elf of dissimulation would be unwise,' Mithrandir said.  
Thorin looked surly at her and snorted arrogantly. Alyssae felt like she was withering under his looks and she wanted to put the ring on her finger, to hid herself from sight. However, she abandoned the idea, since it was her only trump. She didn't want to share her discovery with anyone.  
'Why do you need a burglar?' Alyssae asked carefully. She could barely control her curiosity. She really wanted to know what the dwarves were doing here, so far away from their homes.  
'A dwarf never gives away his secrets. Certainly not to elves.'  
Of course she did expect an answer like that, but she had hoped he would be a little milder.  
'I would like to help you.'  
After her words it became silent. The opinions of the dwarves reflected in their eyes and it was clear suspicion competed with a fragile sparkle of hope.  
Nevertheless, Thorin's decision was implacable.  
'There is no way you are coming with us.'


	12. Why did you save me? - Alyssae

Alyssae believed she wouldn't have come far when Mithrandir hadn't such a deep impact.  
'Are you sure? You know elves are light-footed. Moreover, Smaug isn't used to the smell of elves.'  
Alyssae frowned. 'Smaug?'  
She casted her mind back. She remembered a story about a dwarf kingdom with a greedy king, who in the end was dislodged by an even greedier creature. A dragon.  
'Are you looking for the golden city?'  
Thorin's eyebrows formed a deep V. His face colored red of anger and Alyssae feared he would explode any moment. The other dwarves held their breaths nervously, but Gandalf wasn't aware of any wrongdoing.  
'She's an elf.'  
'Really? I am sorry I didn't notice.'  
His voice was full of sarcasm and Alyssae really wanted to hug him. He seemed to be the only one who did not hate her.  
'Why would she help us?' Balin's doubting voice sounded. 'It is been a long time since elves and dwarves had friendly contacts.'  
Alyssae wanted to jump up to say she was still around, since the dwarf acted like she was not, but she kept calm. 'You saved my life. What else could I do but help you?'  
Thorin looked right into her eyes and she started to sweat. 'So you can stab me in the back when all this is over?'  
Alyssae looked down. His words hurt her.  
'I still believe she could really help you to reclaim your homeland.'  
'Just like the last time?' Thorin snarled and he stood up unstable. His eyes burnt like coals. 'That hobbit of you was only a burden to us! You haven't been of any use, wizard!'  
'Have you ever!' the old man reacted indignantly. 'You would have been death without my help! It would be nice if you would accept all the help you can get, instead of rejecting everything!'  
Thorin snorted. He obviously didn't want to give in. 'Kili and Bofur may escort her to her home. It is their fault she's here.'  
Alyssae felt her eyes burning since she was in such a huff. Would he rather have left her behind in the goblin nest?  
'Then why did you save me?' she whispered.  
Thorin looked shortly at her. Her comment only seemed to make things worse. His long, wavy hair hung before his eyes, but still she could see his fury.  
He didn't say anything, as if he had no idea why he did it.  
Alyssae stood up. Her face was close to his and she could inhale his smell, which somehow made her even angrier.  
'You are an unrewarding dog! Bilbo gave his life to save you, but you can't say anything about him but insults! Even I, a disgusting elf, tried to keep Azog away from you and we even succeeded! Would you rather have died, now that you have to walk around with hurt pride?' She almost was able to hit him in the face. 'Find out for yourself. I hope Smaug burns your flesh off to the bone!'  
Some other dwarves raised themselves and watched their conservation reluctantly, as if they didn't know if they had to support their leader or not. Somehow Alyssae certainly hit the nail on the head.  
With large, anger steps she walked away from the group, to the bending road. She exhaled ferociously and she panicked a little when dark spots danced before her eyes.  
Of course, she was barely recovered! Just at the moment she decided she didn't want to show her weakness to the dwarfs, she collapsed and fell on the dusty path.


	13. Finding Shelter - Alyssae

Alyssae had no idea where she was when she opened her eyes. The starry sky twinkled above her head and a mild drizzle came down on her face, yet she didn't became cold because of it.  
As soon as she started to move, she felt a pounding pain in her shoulder. She swallowed the hurt until she sat straight and looked around. She saw a large amount of dwarves, who were lying on the ground, their thoughts far away.  
Slowly the memories returned: her liberation from the cavern in which she was held by goblins, the orcs who hunted them, Bilbo who lost his life and she and Thorin, getting seriously wounded. She glanced at the dwarf, who was sitting straight, just like her. His dark eyes were aimed at her, like he wanted to catch her doing something wrong.  
She remembered the last words fallen between them and the anger which came over her, as a result of which she had walked away. She clearly didn't get very far.  
After a while she carefully looked at Thorin again, but his incomprehensible glance still rested upon her, which made her feel very uncomfortable. She looked around, but there was no place to hide, to escape for a moment from his condemnatory looks.  
Finally she stumbled to the edge of the plateau on which they were all sitting or lying. She dropped down on the floor, with her back towards the others. She stared into the distance and saw the sky turn brighter.  
What now? She knew the dwarves were willing to bring her home, but for some reason she didn't want to. She couldn't explain why. Her parents and her betrothed worried sick, but still that didn't win her over. There was a new world in front of her and she was eager to explore it. Certainly because she knew nobody would ever let her leave the community again in the coming era, afraid she would disappear again. Furthermore she had the feeling she had to take over Bilbo's role. He had given her a ring which could make her invisible. She doubted anybody knew about the jewel and she wanted to know its secrets before her father would take it from her.  
Finally she wanted to help the dwarves, who were robbed oftheir homeland. Thorin could choke in his own proud, but some of his companions, like Kili and Bofur, were friendlier and she wanted them to have a place where they could live peacefully.

When the drizzle rain kept falling, the others awakened as well. Alyssae's muscles became frozen after a while and she was relieved when Thorin – although it was him – suggested to move on.  
She stood up from the wet ground and felt more energetic than she could have imagined.  
During their journey downwards nobody spoke about Alyssae's faith. Actually the dwarves were remarkably silent, although some complained about hunger. They were all alarmed by what had happened yesterday: all of them witnessed Thorin's near-death experience and Alyssae suspected they disputed their own cowardness. After all, two non-dwarves helped him, something which neither escaped Thorin's attention. Alyssae supposed he still rather fought alone. He probably believed he would have defeated Azog on his own...

As time passed by, the rainfall became heavier and they ultimately searched for some shelter in a barn they passed. It smelled of horse droppings, but none spoke of it. They went down on the straw and stared at the door, hoping the weather would brighten up quickly.  
The waiting made the lips move more easily. Here and there some careful jokes were made. Someone shared his sorrows with one of his fellows and Dwalin and Gloin decided to face the rain to catch some wild.  
'How's your wound?' Fili's voice sounded next to her.  
She smiled carefully. He was a little younger than the other dwarves, just like his brother, whereby she felt a bit more comfortable. She surely was older then all of them, but the younger dwarfs were more open than their older congeners.  
'I'm okay.'  
If she was truthful, she had to admit the wound stung malicious, but she was already glad she could walk without losing her consciousness.  
There fell a silence, which didn't arrest attention since the other dwarves were talking to each other as well.  
'You are brave, Alyssae.' The compliment was careful and it seemed difficult for him to admit. She saw his cheeks turn a little red. 'Thorin will never admit it, but he -'  
'Enough!'  
The voice of Thorin overwhelmed all other sounds and Fili bowed his head ashamed, while he held his tongue.  
Alyssae glanced questioning at the dwarf commander, but he looked grumbling in another direction.  
The atmosphere changed immediately and Alyssae wondered if she could bear this cheerless assembly for more than one day. She always thought dwarves were cheerful creatures, but Thorin's mood overshadowed the hearts of everyone.  
A collective, relieved sigh echoed through the small room when Dwalin and Gloin returned with each a husky deer. Even Thorin relented and showed an uncommon smile and after seeing this, even Alyssae felt remarkably better.


	14. Far Cries - Alyssae

Alyssae swept with the back of her hand across her mouth. Her imprisonment had made all her table manners disappear, although neither the burping and smacking of the dwarves nor the horse dung in which she was sitting, advanced the learnt manners.  
Contented she placed a hand on her belly. After eating this simple, but lovely meal she felt much better. It was indescribable the effects of some meat could have on a group of living beings.  
The dwarves started to sing, telling about a hunt of the greatest boar in Middle Earth. From the corner of her eyes she peeked at Thorin, but he was the only one who was not singing along. Even the wizard, who was sitting at the entrance of the stable, hummed, although a sad sheen was visible in his eyes. Alyssae betted he was thinking about the poor hobbit, who was no longer around. She sighed and realised she missed him.  
Even before the song was ended, Thorin stood up and staggered outside. For a moment the atmosphere seemed darker, yet quickly Bombur and Dori repeated the refrain, after which all attention was drawn to the song again.

It became a nice evening. The dwarves told lots of old myths, which were both entertaining and informative. The traditions and histories of other peoples had always interested her and she knew for sure she had, after this night, more knowledge of dwarves then any other elf, regardless its age.  
When darkness conquered the world, Alyssae was stunned by the stories she had heard. They had strengthened her longing for adventure again and she really wanted to accompany the dwarfs on their journey. The mood was convivial and the only thing that was lacking was, according to the dwarves, a pint. Different mouths opened to yawn. One by one their heads dropped down and they were overpowered by sleep. The only one, who sat awake next to the door, was Balin. He stared in the open air, where the fire was visible they had made to bake the meat.  
Alyssae stood up. Her muscles protested when she made that movement, but that only convinced her to move around a little. Her glance crossed that of Balin when she went by him and he smiled a little sadly.  
When she walked through the door, she took a deep breath and sniffed the fresh air. She got used to the smell of dung, but it was nevertheless a welcome relief.  
She stared at Thorin for a moment, who had bent down before the fire and stared into the flames. A while she looked at him, but he was standing so still she was almost afraid he was petrified.  
'It is impolitely to stare at someone,' his harsh voice sounded.  
Alyssae wanted to say that she didn't expect to be friendly to someone who treated her like shit as well, but she swallowed that remark and decided to try it another way. Constantly carping at each other wouldn't get her anywhere and he would certainly not allow her to come to the Lonely Mountain.  
'You are right. I'm sorry.'  
She walked to the fire and warmed her hands above the flames.  
Thorin stared concentrated on the fire, as if he tried to make the flames devour her.  
Alyssae searched for words. The silence was terrible and she was wondering what she was doing here. Maybe there was a bad smell in the barn, but she had felt comfortable there.  
'I wanted to thank you.'  
The words left her lips before she noticed and her cheeks colored a little, although luckily Thorin didn't look at her.  
'Without your help I would have choked; a very dishonourable death.'  
For a moment she feared he would ignore her words rudely, but finally she heard some murmuring, of which she couldn't get the meaning. His eyes flashed at her, but then he looked forward again.  
Alyssae didn't ask what he said, for his gesture told her it was not a disdainful comment.  
Suddenly they were startled by far cries. Thorin looked up and his forehead showed a deep wrinkle. His glance rested in the darkness before him.  
A shiver crept down her spine and she wrapped her arms around herself. 'Are those the wargs again?'  
She felt a little ashamed when she noticed how scared and childish she was sounding, but she couldn't help it. Her wounds started to pound painfully again.  
At last Thorin turned his face to her. 'They are far away.'  
Those were the first neutral words he spoke to her and he sounded calm. Nevertheless she saw in his eyes that he wouldn't spend this night without fear.  
'Let's go inside.'  
Alyssae nodded slowly and they put out the fire together. Thorin said some words to Gandalf and Balin and two guards were set out. Thorin and Alyssae wouldn't escape their sleep, for both eldest insisted they took their rest.


	15. Tales of Home - Alyssae

It became a restless night. Once in a while Alyssae aroused by the howling of approaching wargs, but by dawn they still hadn't show up. Despite Thorin's pain, they decided to continue the journey, to create as much distance as possible between their enemies.  
Alyssae smoothed her hair with her fingers, but still she wasn't able to comb it. In the end she hung it over her left shoulder and left the barn, encountering the morning sun.  
Mithrandir walked in front and told them he would bring them to an acquaintance, where they could take some rest. Alyssae used the trip to gain the trust of the dwarves, since she suspected they would arrive at Mithrandir's destination by the end of the day, where they could finally decide about her faith.

Now she had exchanged some neutral words with Thorin – although very few – she hoped he would have changed his mind a little. They couldn't deny she had proven her qualities, because Thorin's condition would have been much worse without her.  
'Tell me something about your home,' Kili assigned her after they crossed a small streamlet.  
'Chyndall is located in a forest, just beneath the Misty Mountains,' she told him. 'Our community consists of approximately thousand elves.'  
She considered her words. Actually she didn't want to let them know she was a royal descendant. Maybe the dwarves would distrust her even more.  
'My parents have an enormous courtyard,' she came up, 'where they grow a large amount of food and herbs with medical uses.'  
Her mother was indeed a healer, so she was close to the truth.  
'We live in a white house, with a large porch and colorful flowers and plants.'  
She sighed silently. Now she thought back, she surely longed for her home. She saw Melline's face, who would be waiting for her every morning with a bunch of flowers in her hands. She wouldn't know what to do. Alyssae intended to send a letter as soon as they reached a village, so she could reassure her family.  
Thranduin would be desperate. Would he be engaged to another woman? Would he be with someone else when she returned? That prospect didn't shock her as much as it should, which made her a little restless. To turn her thoughts to something else, she asked: 'What does your family look like?'  
'Thorin is my uncle,' Kili announced, which surprised her. She knew dwarves grow older than humans, but less old than elves, but she expected a whole generation would have been more visible. 'So before we were dislodged from Erebor, we lived in a building we couldn't complain about. After that moment we roamed in different cities and my father tried to earn some money by working in the mines.'  
Alyssae couldn't imagine she would return to her homeland, to find only ashes. She had no idea where she would go, but that was exactly what happened to the dwarves.  
'I really hope you will reconquer your homeland,' she sighed.  
A careful smile was visible around his lips and from the corner of her eyes, she saw Thorin turning his head for a second, as if he had heard the whole conversation.  
She felt a jittery feeling in her stomach, which she couldn't define very well and she didn't dare to say anything. Probably she was wrong, making a fool of herself.


	16. Visions? - Alyssae

Alyssae got tired. For quite some time Mirthrandir said they were almost at their point of destination, but time after time they climbed another overgrown hill top. Even Mirthrandir seemed to be surprised, as if he had travelled along this road long ago and just discovered some of his memories were missing.  
The dwarves glanced ever more anxiously at their leader, who was slowed down by his wounds, just like her. With a harsh expression on his face Thorin moved along, not willing to give in. It wouldn't surprise her if he would only surrender when he was about to die. His proud already had a blow and he wouldn't show his weakness again as long as his legs would carry him.  
Alyssae also worried about him, especially since the snarling of the wargs was sometimes so near she turned around frightened, without noticing anything. Her hearing was better developed than that of her companions, but except for Mirthrandir no one paid attention to her sudden looks.  
'We have to find a place to hide,' she whispered to him, after she had increased her speed to catch up with the wizard, who led them through the wilderness.  
'I know, I know.'  
Absent-minded he stared into the distance, as if he expected a shelter would reveal itself on his command, but there was nothing but a wide meadow with trees which seemed to touch the heavens.  
Alyssae noticed she got goose bumps everywhere. For a moment she closed her eyes and she saw orcs, hidden in the shadows, with a demonic glance in their eyes. Their frozen fingers embraced the handles of their sharp swords. Swords with a blade that was red by dry blood. Bilbo's blood. Thorin's blood. Her blood.  
She gasped for breathe when dizziness followed and her legs were shaking. Fortunately she could lean to a tree. Swiftly she opened her eyes, not knowing if the darkness was a result of her injury or an omen of what was waiting for them beneath.  
For a moment she hoped her dizziness escaped the attention of the dwarves, but they all stared at her.  
'She slows us down. She is too weak.'  
Alyssae turned her head to the left viciously. 'You are just as weak as I am, Thorin. I bet your shaking legs will not bring you much further.'  
'Nonsense.' He pushed her away to proof he was right.  
'Don't.'  
Her words were just a whisper, but they sounded so begging everyone was surprised, including Alyssae.  
'What did you see, Alyssae?'  
Carefully she looked at the wizard, who stared at her compulsory. As if he resent her for keeping her thoughts for herself.  
'Orcs and wargs, merged into the shadows of the trees. It probably is my own fear.'  
Thorin already turned around, purposeful to start his descent, but Mithrandir called him back.  
'Tonight we will stay here.'  
'And who are you to make the decisions?'  
Mithrandir's face was glowing of anger, but it was clear Thorin wouldn't listen to anyone but himself.  
'We will only stop when I say so.'  
'Do whatever you like, you foolish dwarf, but you are warned by an elf and a wizard. In the valley you are an easy victim, while you are entering the nightfall. They will roll over you.'  
Thorin snorted disdainfully.  
'Please,' Alyssae said softly. She swallowed the words "I will not save you from your stupidity again" just in time. 'Don't walk into their ambush.'  
He turned around and walked to her. 'Was it a vision, elf?'  
She bowed her head because he didn't call her name. She had hoped something had changed between them, but a simple conversation surely wouldn't make a difference. It was just a stupid illusion.  
She lost too much blood, so it wasn't odd she was starting to hallucinate. 'I don't know.'  
'Nonsense.' He looked over his shoulder. 'You are frightened by some stupid shadows. We will not rest before we have reached our destination.' His eyebrows changed into a deep frown. 'And according to your calculations we should have been there by now, Gandalf.'  
'I forgot the speed of dwarves.'  
The dwarves objected loudly and Thorin pointed angrily at Alyssae. 'She is slowing us down.'  
She looked the other way, but suddenly some sense of self-assurance appeared on her face.  
'Leave me behind, Thorin, if I'm such a burden to you. Do it.'  
A few seconds they stared each other into the eyes.  
Certainly a moment there was a total silence. An angry frown marked his battered face, but she didn't care about it. Not anymore.  
It was up to him to solve this dilemma and it surprised her it was taking so long.


	17. Ghosts - Alyssae

In the end Thorin choose to say not a single word. Some dwarves sighed irritated, but it was hard to notice. Alyssae felt a tiny bit of hope. He could have sent her away and probably no one would have resented him: she surely was the one who challenged him.

She didn't feel very euphoric, since Thorin descended the mountain anyway and ordered his men to follow. Some glanced hesitantly at him, but most of them didn't want to be unfaithful and followed him loyally.  
'Do you think it was an omen?' Alyssae asked carefully at Mithrandir when they followed the dwarves at some distance.  
'The only one who could possibly know that is you, Alyssae.'  
She looked at the ground and pulled her cloak tighter around her. She bit on her fingernail while she moved her weight from one foot to another.  
Her eyes flashed back and forth, while she assumed the dwarves would also be more attentive now she had warned them.  
Twigs crackled under her feet while she climbed after the others. The bottom was irregular and was often interrupted by pieces of rock, which were almost invisible in the dusk.  
Slowly the sun abandoned her place to the moon and were they enfolded by darkness. Alyssae tried to deem this as an advantage, hoping they would be less visible. Nevertheless the dwarves made enough noise to reveal their position anyway, even to creatures without eyes. With heavy legs she reached the lowest point. Her hand rested on her sword and she was prepared to handle it any moment.

Yet nothing happened. They moved between the trees, but there was no sign of orcs. She could smell nor hear them. Mithrandir's face became more optimistic. However, Alyssae felt like a cheater. She was glad she hadn't been right, but she was afraid the dwarves would see her as a prophet of doom, not taking her serious the moment she would smell danger again. She felt like a star, whose light was slowly getting less bright. First her health had to overcome a blow and now her credibility was slipping off like a cloak from her shoulders.  
'There was nothing to fear, you see?' Thorin's triumphant voice barked through the darkened wood when they arrived at a derelict stone gate. 'Ghosts. You see nothing but ghosts.'  
Alyssae didn't reply, but she felt like everyone was looking at her, while the goose bumps were still on her arms, as if something was wrong. Possibly just because the orcs didn't reveal themselves, while she was sure they had chased them for a long time.

Suddenly an enormous silhouette appeared behind Thorin, as if he just rose from the humid ground. She stared speechless at the creature, while her lips trembled.  
'Behind you,' she whispered.  
She didn't know if he understood her, but the look in her eyes surely said enough.  
Thorin looked over his shoulder, also froze for some seconds and then pulled his sword, after which he stepped back. Thorin and his twelve companions drew their weapons and gathered around their leader, but they seemed puny rodents in comparison to the ferocious monster that was observing them.


	18. Trapped - Alyssae

The fear made her numb. Alyssae stared at the creature that rose above them. It was a giant bear, which sniveled angrily and roared wildly. Instinctively she grabbed the hand of the one next to her – of course it was Thorin. He drew his sword and stared furiously at her, as if she was the one who could decapitate him at any moment. However, she was too afraid to move and pull back her hand. Without doing or saying anything, she saw the bear flunking his hind legs. Once more he roared aggressively.  
Her eyes flashed to Thorin, who raised his sword defiantly. Alyssae felt like she was choking when she heard the howling of wargs behind her. They were trapped!  
She looked over her shoulder and noticed seven wargs, on which orcs were seated. Azog rode in the middle, on his huge, pale beast.  
'Stay calm,' the voice of Mithrandir sounded, but Alyssae had no idea how she could stay calm in a situation like this. Her last hour was passing away. Soon she would be torn apart by a warg or a bear. She almost broke Thorin's fingers when the bear jumped forward and she closed her eyes. A blast stroke her hair and someone behind her cried terrified. The moment she turned her head, she saw Bombur lying on the ground. His short legs floundered in the air and Ori and Bifur had to get him on his feet together. The bear had jumped over them and pushed Bombur to the ground, but now he ran at the orcs, who turned their animals in panic.  
'Go!'  
Mithrandir's voice loosened their limbs and encouraged them to run. Alyssae let go of Thorin's hand and obeyed the wizard. The situation was very confusing, but she followed the dwarves across a green meadow, where the buzzing of bees drew out their running footsteps.  
'To that house!'  
Alyssae was one of the first who reached the house. Dwalin opened the door and they urged inside. Gasping for breath they threw themselves at the straw, while Mithrandir closed the door behind him.  
'What was that?' Gloin gasped. He pressed his hands against his sides and his face was full of pain.  
'That was our host, Beorn.'  
The company stared at Mithrandir in disbelief. Some of them stood up, ready to go on.  
'He is a shape-shifter. When he feels threatened he changes into a bear. In his animal shape he is very unpredictable, but in his human state he might be willing to help us.'  
'Is he a friend or an enemy?' Thorin wanted to know.  
'Neither of them.'  
The dwarf sniffed and turned his head away.

'Let's try to get some sleep,' Mithrandir proposed when they were all a bit recovered from shock.  
Alyssae nodded and tried to feel comfortable in the straw, which was quite simple since she had no idea how it felt to sleep in a real bed anymore. While she swept some straw together, she saw the grin on Kili's face.  
'What?'  
He shook his head chuckling and laid himself on the floor, with his back to her.  
Alyssae glanced at Thorin once more, who was sitting with his back to the wall and stared at his hands. She felt like a coward for grabbing his hand when she was afraid, but she only realized by now he hadn't pulled his hand away. A tiny smile was visible on her face, after which she closed her eyes and fell in a dreamless sleep.


	19. Some Pieces of Luck - Alyssae

Alyssae woke up when the door opened cracking. She rose and grope for the orc sword she had laid next to her, but stopped when an enormous man stepped in. In the early morning light she saw the man was quite hairy and it could only be the appearance of yesterday, now in its human state. His eyes flashed through the hall and Alyssae held her breath, but in the end he stepped over the dwarves and disappeared behind one of the doors.  
Slowly she let go of her breath, glad he first wanted to hear their story before he forced them to leave. Alyssae couldn't fall asleep again, but left her sleeping place by dawn. She decided to explain the shape-shifter what they were doing here. Otherwise she expected Thorin would do so and she wouldn't be surprised if his fitful appearance would ruin everything.  
Carefully she stepped over her sleeping companions and reached the door without arousing anyone. Just before she turned the doorknob she glanced at Thorin, almost expecting he would be still keeping his eye on her, but this time he had turned away his face and even he seemed to be sleeping deeply.  
Alyssae took a deep breath and opened the door. If she could cause friendly feelings she could proof her use again, for she knew her destiny would be sealed one of those days. Although deep inside, she was afraid nothing could indulge Thorin.

Hesitating Alyssae looked around the corner. In the dim chamber stood a long table with some enormous chairs. In one of them Beorn was sitting, dead silent, as a marble statue.  
She wasn't sure if the man was awake, since his face was directed to the window.  
'Can I come in?'  
Slowly the mighty head of the giant man turned. A low humming followed, from which Alyssae thought to hear an affirmative reply. She closed the door behind her and walked to Beorn, who observed her silently.  
'You are not a dwarf,' he noticed.  
A smile appeared on her face. 'Fortunately I am not.'  
The man looked at her. He didn't seem hostile, but he certainly was careful.  
'I'm an elf,' she admitted. 'For months I was captured by goblins, which might explain my – eh – scruffy appearance. I haven't been able to wash myself for weeks.'  
Since her escape she had been constantly on the run and there was no time left to take a bath in one of the rivers.  
'That's surprising news,' Beorn spoke. 'I don't like dwarfs. They are miserly and only think about themselves.'  
'I thought so too,' Alyssae admitted. 'But that's not how they are. Not all of them, at least. They freed me, but thereafter we were pursued. Thorin and I are injured.'  
The expression on his face didn't reveal anything, but she decided to be honest. 'We are looking for a safe place to stay, so we might recover. Gandalf brought us here.'  
'I despise orcs and goblins, much more than dwarves. Their enemies are my friends.'  
Relieved Alyssae took a deep breath. She was glad he didn't ask questions about their difficulties with the orcs, about which she didn't know much either. Apparently he assumed both races were working together.  
'You are too kind.'  
The man smiled almost unnoticeable. 'I will fill a tub with water, so you can bath.'  
Alyssae could jump in the air of happiness, but she stayed calm. Hopefully this day would bring more goodness, because she longed for a little distraction and she hoped it would also do Thorin well.


	20. Bathing and Breakfast - Alyssae

She felt reborn after she had toweled up herself and succeeded in scrubbing off the filth from her skin. She still had red stripes on her skin of the rubbing, but it would fade by itself. She put a towel on her waist. She had washed her clothes as well, but they needed some time to dry. She saw a snow white sheep entering the chamber, which was holding some garment in its beak. It was a silver grey dress, which probably belonged to a family member of Beorn, who was not living here anymore. She grabbed the dress and pulled it over her head. It was too large and the fabric dragged over the floor, but she could return to the dwarves.

She wondered to whom these clothes belonged. She suspected Beorn was living here on his own, although the house was built for much more people. Did it belong to someone who had passed away? She knew she would never dare to ask, afraid to bring up old sadness.  
She saw her refection in the glass, but barely recognized herself. Her cheeks were still hollow, but her face was clean again, with some scratches. The dress fell over her shoulders and showed her injuries, but the open air would speed up the process of healing. She had disentangled her hair for the most part, because of which it no longer looked like a bird family had converted her hair into a nest.  
She went back to the dining room, where some animals were setting the table. She stared her eyes out by seeing dogs walking on their hind legs, putting down plates, while sheeps were balancing baskets with bread on their heads. Beorn spoke to them in a language she didn't know and she watched his commands with staring eyes.  
'Are the others already awake?'  
Beorn shrugged. 'I haven't seen them.'  
Alyssae left the room and went to the hall where she had slept. The dwarves were standing tight together and discussed the steps that had to be taken. Balin believed Gandalf should go to the 'bear man' to apologize. Oin said they had to leave as soon as possible and Dori repeatedly noticed he smelled bread.  
Gandalf stood away from the others. An amused smile was on his face, as if he knew what she had done. To her big surprise it was Thorin who asked: 'Where is the elf?'  
'The elf is here. We can have our breakfast.'  
Thirteen dwarf heads turned around and stared at her. She felt her cheeks glow a little now she had attracted their attention. She could read the astonishment from their faces, although she didn't know if that was caused by her appearance or her words. It took some time before someone decided to say something.  
'So, where are we waiting for?' Bombur asked.  
The dwarves looked awaiting at Thorin, as if he had to show some sign that they had the permission to eat. However, he looked the other way and didn't seem to notice that they were waiting for his approval.  
Kili was the first who turned away from the others and bounced her enthusiastically on the shoulder.  
'You should have seen his face,' he whispered.  
Alyssae had no idea what he was talking about. Of course she had a presumption on who he was pointing, but she couldn't imagine what the look on his face should have looked like. At least no expression that should surprise her.  
They drew up on the table, soon followed by the others. Fili sat down next to her and he glanced curiously at her. 'You look – different.'  
'Prettier,' his brother added and he grinned.  
'Definitely cleaner,' Alyssae answered chuckling.  
The dwarves shut their mouths when Beorn stepped out of the shadows.  
'The elf saved your asses,' he announced with a sullen face. It was clear he would have acted differently when only dwarves would have appeared on his threshold. 'You are welcome until you are healthy enough to continue your journey.'  
Alyssae's eyes flashed at Thorin, but he still didn't seem to be very thankful. She restrained a sigh and wondered what the hell she had to do to gain his trust without leaving immediately.


	21. Forgotten - Alyssae

With every piece of bread disappearing between their molars, their moods got better. Kili and Fili, who were sitting next to Beorn, tried to get to know the man and his race better. Bofur was very impressed by the animals, which served them. He tried to teach them some tricks, but they didn't listen to his voice. Across the table Dwalin and his brother had a conversation with Thorin, and once in a while the last one showed a smile which was almost optimistic.

Alyssae ate in silence. She thought about Bilbo who was forgotten by everyone so easily. Actually she was sitting on his seat. He should have been here, eating from this plate. If they hadn't tried to save Thorin, he would be around this table and maybe it was Thorin who would have slipped their minds.  
She took a sip from the mug before her to wash off the sour taste. Of course that was only an illusion. Thorin was a leader – she didn't even know why – and he meant a lot to the dwarves. Probably the whole quest would have been cancelled if he had passed away.  
She couldn't stop her melancholic thoughts, not even when one of the dwarves filled her mug with wine.  
In the end it was Fili who noticed her sad looks. 'What's wrong?'  
She shrugged. 'I was thinking about Bilbo. None of you seems to miss him.'  
'Of course we do!' he reacted surprised. 'He was a good lad, but that doesn't take away our joy, since we are safe from the orcs, enjoying this wonderful meal.' He took another piece of bread from the basket. 'It's a miracle he is the only one.'  
He glanced at the wounds around her collarbones.  
Alyssae took another swig of wine, after which she felt a little better. Maybe this was all because these dwarves already had faced death so many times. Their people were murdered and they were spread across the lands. Elves live thousands of years and they never die of old age. Everyone treated death differently.  
'I miss him,' she admitted. 'Even though I knew him such a little while.'  
She couldn't explain her feelings to the dwarves, but she had felt a connection with the hobbit, for he didn't belong with the others either. Now she had refreshed herself, she had to face the facts again: she was an elf among dwarfs. Thorin would never accept her, not even when the others would. She didn't know where his deep hate for her race was coming from. In fact she knew nothing about him, except that he was the uncle of Fili and Kili and that he wanted to return to the mountain. She didn't even know what he believed to find there, other than a dragon and his former home that was reduced to ashes. Perhaps he could better go on with his life, instead of scratching open ancient wounds. However, she knew he would never accept these words from her. He would not accept anything from her.


	22. Doubts - Alyssae

After breakfast they all went their own way. Mithrandir told them he had to visit someone and that they had to listen to the advice of their host. Everyone had to stay between the walls of the house after sunset, but they all knew Beorn's animal state well enough to not feel any need to do else.  
Some dwarves choosed to wait in the queue for the tub, but Kili and Fili went outside with Alyssae and decided to refresh themselves later today.  
Alyssae glanced astonished around her after she had stepped out. She was on a stretched out meadow and animals were grazing everywhere. Enormous bees hummed around their heads and relaxed on countless brightly colored flowers.  
'It is so peaceful here,' Alyssae sighed as she sat down on the edge of a well, together with the two boys. The quietness reminded her of home and only now she was able to let go of the fear that was holding her for such a long time.  
Kili tickled a curious goat behind its ears, which came to see the new-comers, and Fili whistled a cheerful song. Now she understood what he tried to explain when he told her he wanted to enjoy the fact they were not hunted anymore.  
However, Alyssae couldn't get rid of all her sorrows. She really liked the dwarves, but especially those two and she dreaded to say goodbye to them. They were so free and tried to be optimistic in every situation.  
Alyssae knew a lot would change when she came home. She had to marry a man she barely knew and she woud have to do an education again, since it was her task to succeed her father. She wasn't ready for such a responsibility, although she knew it could last centuries before he would put the crown on her head. All this time she wouldn't get the permission to leave the community, certainly not to visit Erebor after a few years to see how they all ended up.  
'You're quiet,' Kili noticed. 'You are worrying.'  
It was astonishing how well you could get to know someone in a short, but exhausting period.  
'I bet you will discuss my departure tonight.'  
Kili burst into a laugh, so suddenly he almost fell in the well. Alyssae could grasp his arm just in time. She had no idea why he thought that was funny.  
'Dear, don't worry about that. You're going nowhere.'  
'How can you be so sure?' Alyssae asked confused.  
'Because there is no one who would like to see you leave.'  
She stared at her boots. 'Thorin is.'  
'Nah, he's not,' Fili agreed. 'If he really wanted you to go, he certainly would have showed it.'  
'Well, he surely did,' Alyssae mumbled. She was surprised his judgment hurt her so much. It had never been different and she had known it from the start.  
'Really wanted,' Kili repeated the words of his brother. 'He acts like he hates you, but he thinks you're nicer than he dares to admit.'  
She looked uncertainly at him, but the dwarf seemed beyond doubt.  
'At least more useful than he admits,' Fili spoke again. 'You saved his life, you warned him for the orcs – even though he didn't listen to you – and you made Beorn accept us.'  
'And when he is really so crazy to send you away – after all, you never know – we will join you and the three of us will travel to the Lonely Mountain!'  
Alyssae laughed and put her arms around their shoulders, even though this movement hurt.  
'You are great.'  
She waved to Dori and Ori, who left the house –clean again. They dropped on the ground, with their backs against the stone wall of the well which was not occupied by legs. She had nice contact with Ori. He was a social dwarf, and he was a chip of the old block, Alyssae noticed, when his brother brought about a flute. She was directed away from the reality by the music the dwarf played, and barely noticed her hands that were going through Dori's hair very quickly, creating long braids.  
Alyssae was used to elf music, but the free melodies which were played by the dwarfs were enchanting as well. She sighed softly when she let go of Dori's hair and she felt a warm feeling inside. Maybe she was part of the group after all. And maybe Thorin didn't hate her as much as he wanted her to belief. This thought caused a little flame in her chest. But the fire stopped burning when he came outside, watched them, stared at her for one moment and walked away, while shaking his head. Disappointed she looked away, but Fili put his hand on her knee.  
'Don't blame yourself. Besides, he's not the only dwarf here, is he?'  
Alyssae's cheeks colored red of shame, but she neither understood why one look of Thorin could freeze her whole body.  
'I know,' she mumbled, but his friendly words didn't melt the ice cube in her stomach.


	23. Royals - Alyssae

Alyssae stayed with the dwarves for quite some time. Their cheerful talking chased away the hurt feelings Thorin caused. When Kili and Fili came back from the tub – which made them even younger – and the others complained about hunger, Alyssae stood up and went to the house, to ask Beorn if she could help him to prepare dinner.  
In the hall - where the animals slept, as had she last night – it was a bit stuffy. She opened one of the windows and sniffed eagerly the fresh air.  
When she turned to the left to walk to the kitchen, metal scratched over the stone wall and a sword blocked her way.  
Her heart bounced in her chest. Not because she was afraid he would use the sword, but because Thorin was only a few inches away from her and despite his limited size he looked very impressive.  
She had no idea what she should say and she stared questioning in his eyes. Blue eyes, she noticed, which seemed darker from some distance than they actually were. His long hair was still wet from the bath that he had taken – probably as first – and she discerned some grey plats. He only wore an undershirt, his fighting gear was probably still drying. The muscles in his arms were swollen to sufficient proportions while he was holding the sword.  
His face was inconceivable and his lips formed an unfriendly sneer.  
'What did you tell him, elf.'  
The look in his eyes was so intense she barely dared to breathe, but the tone of his voice was so disdainful she squeezed her eyes indignantly.  
'I told him the truth, _dwarf_. Beorn hates dwarves and I convinced him you are all very helpful and friendly, except _you_. He only accepts you because you don't leave him much choice. Just like I do.'  
From the corners of her eyes she saw the grasp on the sword petrified.  
'Watch you words, elf. You have no idea to whom you are talking.'  
She smiled coyly and bowed a little forward, so her face came close to his.  
'Neither do you, _dwarf_.'  
He exhaled angrily and his breath brushed her chin, which made her shiver. Alyssae didn't look away, even though it was clear he was confused by her words.  
'I am Thorin, son of Tháin, son of Thrór, king under the mountain!'  
His eyes sparkled like royal diamonds and she wanted to step back, but the wall prevented her from doing so. She had expected this dwarf to be highborn, but she never imagined he was a ruler on his way to reconquer his kingdom.  
However, she couldn't admit loudly she was impressed.  
'That explains your arrogance.'  
After those words he drew back his sword and slammed it against the wall, where a deep hole appeared. Alyssae crouched startled, but she felt a little triumph now she had hurt _his_ feelings for one time.  
She almost wanted to say she was royal as well, but Thorin looked so angry she didn't dare to say a word. The sword was only a few inches away and maybe he would find it a good excuse to kill her.  
He glanced in her eyes once more, while she could feel his hate. Then he turned around and walked away.  
Her legs had become weak and she dropped down. Crestfallen she sat on the ground, with her back against the wall. She ruined everything.  
Kili and Fili might claim he liked her secretly, but she didn't believe a word of it. He hated her. Now more than ever. She also knew Fili and Kili would never leave him, even though they promised her the opposite. He was their blood relative, but even more – their king. They had to be loyal and she _wanted_ them to be loyal.


	24. No Appetite - Alyssae

Alyssae wiped her tears away. Her thoughts were a confusing pulp. She almost decided to go away. After all it was not her homeland and if they didn't want her help, she had to give up. Still she realized others did want her help.  
In the end it was only Thorin who detested her – or was honest about her at least – and it was just tedious that precisely he was the one to claim the throne. She however believed she could really mean something for them, surely now she had Bilbo's ring. Deep inside she had to admit that she didn't want to give up her freedom. She didn't want to exchange the free world for an elf house. Beautiful it surely was, but so small. So limited. A place where she would spend her days anyway.

She sighed softly and brushed her cheeks once again, hoping all the traces of her tears were gone. She felt like a coward and was glad none had seen her sitting on the floor. Surely not Thorin, who would definitely have made fun of her.  
She walked to the dining room and saw the table was already set. She wanted to apologize, which she couldn't without talking about her conversation with Thorin, which was the last thing she wanted.  
'Did you enjoy?' Beorn asked friendly.  
Alyssae nodded smiling, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.  
She went outside and called the dwarves, who were still sitting around the well. Only Dwalin and Thorin had disassociated themselves from the others. She stayed at the doorway and nodded to the dwarves whom passed by. Finally Dwalin stood up too, but Thorin turned his face away and stared surly the other way. With leaden steps she walked to the dinner table, while realizing Thorin didn't even want to be with her in the same room anymore. Once more she wished she had shut her mouth. A few days ago she already intended to stop carping at him since it got her nowhere, but now she had failed again.  
She was wrong to think she wouldn't get anywhere, because she knew her destiny was set now. Soon he would order her to say goodbye to the others. Maybe she had to be honest and tell him she was a princess and that she would never kneel for him, but she didn't dare. The truth wouldn't save her and knowing that he wasn't the only royal descendant probably would only make him more furious.  
Alyssae found a chair next to Dori. Near her another one was still empty, but she didn't expect Thorin to come.  
Yet the others were still waiting on his arrival and Alyssae stared at her plate.  
'Where is Thorin?' Balin wanted to know.  
'He wasn't hungry,' Dwalin answered bluntly.  
Alyssae glanced shortly at the dwarf, who looked chilly at her. She bit on her lip. Meanwhile she lost her appetite as well.  
'What's going on?'  
Obviously everyone could feel the tension and Bofur neither could rhyme nor reason it.  
Alyssae sighed, but she had no idea what to say or do. By the condemnatory look in Dwalin's eyes she got the feeling that it was Thorin who looked at her, using someone else's eyes.  
'The conversation we had was not very friendly,' Alyssae murmured, who didn't want to keep away the dwarves from their meal.  
'Talk to him,' Balin encouraged her. 'You're both a little cooled down now.'  
Alyssae bit on her knuckles. It felt like the ice cube inside was growing exponentially. She didn't want everyone's intervention. She glanced timidly at Balin's calm face. He knew Thorin at best. He had seen more of the world than any of them.  
'I think it's no use to go to him.'  
'Just go, lass, and come back together.'  
The word 'together' sounded quite heavy and she got the feeling something tried to push her down. Something she really wanted to escape.  
'Okay.' She moved her chair backwards and looked needy at Kili, who put up his thumb. He understood there was more at stake than just a quarrel between to creatures. When she wanted to accompany the others, she had to apologize, even though she was steadfast against it. Once before she had done something which seemed impossible: thank him. She could do this too. She didn't even have to be straight: she just had to convince him she was sorry.


	25. A Matter of Trust - Alyssae

Alyssae didn't search for the dwarf immediately, but first bound the belt around her waist so she could hang her sword. She didn't want to be threatened by him again.  
It took no trouble to find the dwarf king. He still sat on the same rock and looked the other way. Alyssae wondered where he was thinking of. He only had to speak one word to see her leave and it was a miracle he hadn't done it. It gave her a little hope.  
She walked towards him, but because of her soft footsteps he only noticed her when she stood next to him. He froze when he saw her and the shock was reflected in his eyes.  
'I am sorry, okay?' she started before he could say a thing. 'I shouldn't have said that you're arrogant.'  
Thorin sniffed and turned his face away, but he stayed at least.  
'But you think I am,' he concluded, barely intelligible.  
Alyssae picked her hair. 'There's no point in lying, hmm?'  
There was a short silence, but she had the feeling it was up to her to break it. 'I had no idea you were the heir of Thrór or that it was your responsibility to reunite your people in the city that is taken away from you.'  
She waited for his reaction, but it looked like he hadn't heard her words. He kept staring in the distance, his shoulders hanging, like the burden he was carrying became to heavy.  
She wished he said something. Thank her for her fair words or even apologize for the fact he pushed her to the wall with his sword.  
'Will you send me away?'  
She couldn't take his silence any longer. She wanted to hear his voice – no matter what he would say.  
Carefully he looked at her and Alyssae forced herself not to look down. When he stared at his hands again, she realized he didn't know what to do with her either.  
She intertwined her fingers, afraid to pull out his hair when she did not. His silence was nerve-racking.  
She resisted the tendency to stand up and cleared her throat. 'You hate me, don't you?'  
It was just a whisper which left her mouth. It wasn't a real question, rather an observation.  
'No,' he answered on the contrary. 'I don't hate you. You think you would still be alive?'  
Alyssae got the feeling the ice cube in her stomach lost its volume spontaneously, but the moment their eyes met Thorin turned his face away again.  
'I want to help you. I really do.'  
She wanted to put the ring on her finger to prove her use, but she could resist the desire. He could take the jewel away from her to use it by himself. After all Thrór had been a greedy king and the same blood flew through his veins – whether he liked it or not.  
'The question is why. I can't trust you. I just can't.'  
'You neither give me the chance,' Alyssae answered. 'Trust needs to grow, but you have to open up.'  
'And I'm not able to do so. Elves disappointed my people for a century. None of Thranduil's kin came to help us when our city was burning, nor did they shelter them when they roamed across the fields.'  
On his face she could see the memories still hurt him. She looked at his hand, which rested next to her's on the rock. She broke through her own safe world and laid her fingers on his.  
'But I am not from Mirkwood. Not all elves are the same. I'd like to solve the mistakes of my people –as far as that's possible. I bet you don't believe me when I say some of you stole my heart. Kili, Fili and Bofur… I consider them as friends.'  
Deep inside she knew she had enclosed Thorin in her heart too. The fear that he hated her, was much deeper than just the fact that he would take away an adventure.  
She saw Kili and Ori coming outside and realized her fingers were still lying on his hand. Quickly she let go of him and she saw the dwarf king looked embarrassed the other way as well.  
'I – sorry,' she murmured. 'Do you come with me to eat? Some of your friends definitely went on a hunger strike till you come back.'  
She smiled hasty to show it was a joke. To her relief she saw he rose from his seat. They went back inside without saying anything to each other, where after they took the empty places of Ori and Kili. She caught Balin's smile and noticed her appetite still seemed miles away. She stared at her hand, not able to understand that she had showed such a sign of affection. Still she dared to suppose he silently agreed with her membership of the fellowship. For now.


	26. A Letter - Alyssae

Alyssae spent the rest of the day in company of different dwarves. She knew how to persuade Beorn to bake a honey pie. Ori and Bombur joined her, although the first wanted to reflect every thing they did, wondering if they couldn't do better in another way, while the last one only stared at the honey and ate from the batter when he thought they weren't looking. Still she had the time of her life. Despite the fact that Ori liked to complain and Bombur only said nonsense, they were nice company. They didn't know her like Kili and Fili did, which made the conversation more trivial, what was nice for once in a while.  
She wanted to have a close relationship with everyone, hoping Thorin would indulge in the end. That was the reason she was now drinking a cup of wine with Dwalin, while they looked how Ori warmed the pie. She suspected she had ascended in Dwalin's appreciation when she went back to his friend to confront him.  
'When do you think we can go on?' Dwalin asked.  
Alyssae touched her wounds. 'It will not heal in a few days, but I feel much better than yesterday. I would like to rest for one more day, but I don't want to slow you down much longer.'  
Dwalin looked through the window, as if he questioned if that was soon enough. She had no idea which matters he considered, but eventually he smoothed his beard and nodded.  
'We have no other choice.'  
Alyssae was silent and swallowed some wine. She closed her eyes by tasting the wonderful, sweet flavour. With the back of her hand she swept away some drops which left behind. If they would have seen her this way at home…  
The thought of home made her stand up. 'Where is Beorn?'  
Dwalin shrugged not knowing and Alyssae walked to the door, with the mug in her hand.  
'The pie is almost ready to eat!' Ori protested, but she wove his objection away with her hand.  
'You don't need my help – just keep Bombur away.'  
Bombur looked at her with his glassy innocent eyes, but his gesture contradicted that expression. He stood in the starting blocks, ready to attack their delicacy.  
Alyssae emptied her cup and placed it on the corner of the table, after which she went out to look for the shape-shifter.

It took her almost half on hour to find him, but in the end Nori told her he was taking care of a horse that was attacked by a warg recently.  
She entered the stable and she saw the moaning animal in the straw.  
'When did this happen?' Alyssae questioned in shock.  
Beorn looked over his shoulder. 'She came to me a few hours ago. The wargs are still around. Orcs almost never come so close to my house, but it's soon getting dark. They will keep low.'  
Alyssae kneeled next down to the man. 'Is she badly hurt?'  
The pitch black skin of the animal made the injuries barely visible.  
'She will survive, but she's in a lot of pain.'  
Alyssae stretched her hand to touch the animal. Her fingertips glided over the hairs, which seemed to make the animal calm.  
Beorned looked at her in surprise.  
'You made her sleep.'  
'Oh. She must have been exhausted.'  
Beorn looked at her in disbelief, but she shrugged.  
'What I wanted to ask you… Do you have a bird which could deliver a message to my birthplace? I want to let my family know that I'm safe. They must be desperate.'  
'Of course.'  
He raised, glanced once more at his horse and left the stable with her. He took her to a chamber she hadn't been before. He gave her ink and parchment. 'I will get you a pigeon.'  
Alyssae nodded thankfully and bend over the parchment.

_Dear mom and dad,  
Melline, _

She bit on her lip and a tear dropped down her cheek. She hurt them deeply by staying away longer and the decision not to come back would be hard to accept.

_Everything is okay. I finally found a way to write you. I don't know how long I'm separated from you, but I was ambushed by goblins and they brought me to the dungeons. Since then I have no idea how many days passed. _

She hesitated. Was it wise to mention the dwarves? Soon they would set out sentries to intercept her. She decided to do not.

_I escaped, but I can't come back home. I have to visit someone I got to know. Thereafter I'll return as soon as possible.  
Don't blame me, but you always taught me to follow my heart and I never doubted your words._

_I love you._

_Bring my greetings to Thranduin. Tell him I'm sorry our wedding has to wait a little longer, but I will set things right when I'm back. _

In fact she wasn't sorry her marriage was postponed, but she didn't want to hurt anybody. She looked up when the door opened and their host entered. Carefully he put a snow white pigeon on the table.  
'Attach the letter to its foot and tell him where you want him to go.'  
He nodded at her, but backed away when he saw the tears on her face.  
Alyssae read the letter again. It was short and to the point. Maybe even emotionless. However, she wasn't someone who could formulate her emotions very well and it seemed better for everyone when she stuck to those words. The letter comprised everything they needed to know.  
She realized the letter wasn't written in the language of the elves, but in the common speech. She was separated from her congeners for such a long time she unconsciously displaced the language. Since the arrival of the dwarves she hadn't used her native tongue and she had copied it to her writings automatically.  
She rolled up the letter, sealed it and tied it to the foot of the animal.  
'Go to the royal palace of Chyndall,' she whispered. With her thumb she petted the head of the bird, but then she opened the window and set him free.  
However, she was stunned when something big almost hit her head. The animal flew against it, squeezed shrilly and dropped down, while Alyssae backed down in shock.


	27. Chasing Away Lizards - Alyssae

It took some time before Alyssae was recovered from shock. Only when she didn't saw a reason to panic she carefully stepped to the window again. The pigeon was still on the ground. A wooden shield laid next to it and she was baffled. She climbed through the window and stared staggered at Thorin, whom leaned to the wall a few meters away and read the letter.  
'What the hell do you think you're doing?' she yelled. She jumped from the window, stepped towards him and tried to hitch the parchment from his hands, but he turned his back to her.  
'You are the most horrible king I've ever met!' she raged. She grabbed the piece of wood and threw it away angry. 'Give me my letter back.'  
Slowly he turned his face towards her. 'Take back your words first.'  
'Why? I never met such an idiot. Even those awful goblins were nicer to get on with, you retarded cow!'  
His cheeks turned red, but Alyssae didn't care. 'You could have decapitated me!' She however insulted him so badly he wasn't able to speak, but she wasn't satisfied with his silence. Not this time.  
She took a deep breath and shook her head. 'You wanted to check me out, didn't you? You wanted to see if I told no one about your little trip to Erebor!'  
Thorin stared at his feet. His face was still red, but Alyssae didn't know if that was caused by anger or embarrassment.  
'I guess it must be hard for you to find out I didn't even mention you! I even have written in a language you can read, as if I had foreseen this idiot action! Such a pity I turned out to be trustworthy, huh!' she yelled cynically.  
She got the feeling she was talking to a wall. This afternoon she hoped to stroke him a little, but nothing seemed less true. She aimed at his hand and pulled out the letter. Dear God, she was so relieved the letter didn't reveal who she really was!  
She placed her hands on her side and looked at him firmly. 'I expect your apologies.'  
Thorin stared scornful at her, before he looked the other way. 'Don't give me orders.'  
'That's something you should have thought about before. You didn't have the right to read my letter.'  
'I couldn't take the risk.'  
'No? Well, neither do I! I can't take the risk to travel with someone like you! You'll get us into trouble if you don't treat others respectfully and that isn't something a king should be proud of, hmm?' she sneered. 'Don't you know anything about diplomacy? How could you take the responsibility of others when you don't even dare to account for your own deeds!'  
Because he was still avoiding her looks, she knew she had penetrated into his dull brains.  
'Okay. Sorry.'  
He spoke the word amidst a lot of sniffing and mumbling, which made it hard to hear, but Alyssae still believed it was a large step.  
'Maybe you're right.'  
She stepped back a little, out of his personal space, even though he exceeded hers twice today.  
She turned her back to him and picked up the bird from the ground. 'If he's dead, you may explain it to Beorn.'  
'It's just a bird,' the dwarf hummed.  
Alyssae really wanted to throw a rock at his head. When he had tried to get to know their host a little, he should have known Beorn would never accept these heartless words.  
'In his eyes you are just a dwarf.'  
She whispered something to the little bird and slowly he moved again. She tied the letter to its feet again and looked at Thorin. 'Do I have your permission, majesty?'  
Thorin ignored her irony and snatched his shield, after which Alyssae opened her hands so the animal could fly away.  
'You are the only one who doesn't trust me,' she noticed while she watched the pigeon fly away.  
'Which is troubling me. You even kiss Dwalin's ass now.'  
Alyssae rolled her eyes. 'I'm kissing nobody's ass. You shouldn't flee the fun the whole time.'  
'I don't get my throne back with fun.'  
'It would make you at least less intolerable,' Alyssae answered while she closed the window. 'That would be good for everyone. I propose you come with me. I baked a pie with Ori and Bombur. You have to make up some things.'  
Thorin looked at her with a threatening frown. 'Since I swallowed all your crude insults, I believe we're even now.'  
She pouted. 'There's no poison in it?'  
'What do we celebrate?' he sniffed.  
'The fact that Thorin the Stupendous is on his way to chase away a big lizard from his royal residence. What else?'  
For a moment there was a glimpse of a smile around his lips, but it disappeared so quickly she didn't know if it was more than just her imagination.  
'It's almost dark and I assume you don't want to be torn apart by a bear.'  
She didn't know why she wanted him so badly to come with her. Somehow she was constantly wondering what he was doing on his own and she wanted to forget that question for just one hour.  
Thorin didn't admit verbally, but she noticed he walked after her towards the door. Content she closed the door behind them, glad she had cursed him without being chased away. Would others have done it so well too? She was probably the only one who dared to dig his heels. She probably went too far by calling him names, but she couldn't control her indignation.


	28. Memorable Dances - Alyssae

'Have you left some?' Alyssae asked when she entered the dining room, where everybody had gathered in the meanwhile.  
She laughed and shook her head when she saw the plate on which the pie once laid. Only a few crumbs were left.  
'It was good – very good,' Fili announced, 'but we had to clean the table for dinner.'  
He pointed at the table, which was filled with bowls stuffed with food, so extensively it surpassed all her expectations.  
'Beorn did his best. Where is he?'  
The man was so big he was impossible to overlook.  
'He went outside,' Balin told her. 'You should just have missed each other. He didn't want us to wait for him tonight.'  
Alyssae thought about the orcs who attacked his cattle and expected he wanted to keep an eye on them to be sure the orcs wouldn't show up again.  
Thorin took a seat, which was a sign for the others they could start eating. She saw everyone filled their plates eagerly and consumed the food noisily. The wine flew richly and dripped along their beards. Despite the fact that she was getting used to their manners, it still looked very distasteful.  
Alyssae cut off some meat. Only when she came home, she would restrict herself to vegetarian meals. They didn't have lembas bread and she had to tar on something else the coming days, since she didn't expect a meal like this once more.

They sat for a long time, but it was very cozy. Alyssae felt a little light in the head and she knew it was better to refuse the wine, but she dropped her sorrow and she felt ever freer. She didn't even care about the food that was thrown.  
When most of them were satisfied the surplus was hurled to Bombur, who tried to catch everything in his mouth. Of course someone missed target, by which someone else was hit, causing a real food fight. Thorin didn't join the others, but he burst into laughter when someone else was hit.  
Alyssae stared at him. He looked so different when he smiled! He seemed years younger and his laughter was so deep and pure it sometimes caused goose bumps. She wished she saw him more often this way…

After all the plates were licked off by Bombur, the table was emptied very quickly. Bifur raised a song, where after the dishes flied around her head, even though it ended upon a pile in one piece. She decided not to meddle. The dwarves knew what they were doing, but she had never thrown a plate before.  
The singing didn't stop when the table was spick-and-span. Dori and Nori brought out their flutes and the others also found objects with which they could bring forth a melody. Alyssae had never heard such a primitive orchestra and it was astounding how her travel companions changed the atmosphere. Fili and Kili climbed on the table, hooked their arms and danced around each other. Ori was also dancing on his own around the table.  
'You never had a party like this, do you?' Gloin shoved another mug in her hands.  
'No,' Alyssae admitted. 'We're quite stiff, if you look at it that way.'  
Before she could take a swing, Kili grabbed her hand. 'You'll be the first elf I've ever danced with! Feel honored.'  
'I surely do,' she smiled and she put away her drink.  
He pulled her on the table, turned her around and laughed elated. 'Well, elves dance better than I imagined.'  
Alyssae hadn't danced with lots of men and certainly not in such a rash way, tipsy and with quixotic music, sung by dwarves. It wasn't easy to dance with someone who was quite smaller than she, but it wasn't something Kili cared about.  
'I don't think I'm an ordinary elf.'  
His eyes winked. 'Neither do I.'  
He clapped his hands and Alyssae joined joyfully. She noticed a mischievous grin on his face and looked at him questioning.  
'There is someone else who doesn't want to miss the chance to dance with you.'


	29. Dancing on Graves - Alyssae

For a moment Alyssae was afraid he meant Thorin. She looked over her shoulder and saw him sitting on a chair, while drinking. Their eyes met and her cheeks turned red unintentionally. The look in his eyes wasn't angry or disapproving, although she didn't know what he did express. It confused her and she looked quickly at Kili, who turned her the other way, to his brother.  
Alyssae let go of her breath. It was ridiculous to think Kili should allude to Thorin and the idea made her nervous. How would it be to dance with him? He didn't seem a person who liked to dance, but certainly someone like Thorin must sometimes feel the need to escape his obligations and do something crazy.  
Her hands were grabbed by Fili, who took over the acts of his brother. The braids in his mustache balanced back and forth when he moved his head and his laughter was contagious.  
'If you hadn't been so lean and tall, you could have been a dwarf.'  
'Lean?' she repeated. 'You have just as much fat around your body as I have – and you haven't been in a dungeon for months!'  
Fili showed his tongue. 'Don't whine but dance.'  
He pounded the ground and turned over one of the mugs, but didn't pay attention to it. Alyssae smiled and was led away by the music and the cheerful laughter of the dwarves.

When the wine started to run out, Alyssae felt dizzy. She had danced with all of the dwarves, except for one. Even Balin risked a small dance and Bombur… it was a dance she would never forget, because she was almost pushed down by every move they made.  
She wasn't satisfied yet. Thorin hadn't came out of his chair, which was a pity. It was wonderful he smiled a lot this evening, but she would give almost everything to see him dance.  
Because of the alcohol that flew through her veins, she less feared a reproach and she sat beside him.  
'You'll become such a dull king. Why don't you dance?'  
Thorin looked at her inquiringly and straightened his shoulders. 'I will only dance on Azog's grave.' He growled. 'And that of Smaug.'  
His mind clearly was less troubled than that of Alyssae.  
'But I want to dance with you.'  
The words left her mouth before she even thought about it.  
'Did I really say that?' she asked amazed.  
A few moments later she cursed the fact she had drank so much.  
The expression on Thorin's face spoke for himself, although she didn't know how to interpret. Cumbersome she stood up and staggered away from him. She stumbled, but Fili caught her and took her in his arms again.  
Most things passed by. Time after time she hopefully looked back at Thorin, but she wasn't able to see his face clearly.  
'Fili,' she whispered. 'I think – I think I drank too much.'  
'Ah, we are going nowhere tonight.'  
These words were contradicted when suddenly glass was breaking. Although her mind was numb, she believed she saw someone climbing through the window. Another followed, and one more.  
First she thought it was her imagination, until Dwalin and Bofur started screaming and Fili let go of her. Alyssae hadn't calculated for this and fell on the ground, while she saw the dwarves run for the door. The music ended abruptly, but the noise did not.


	30. Invisible and Drunk - Alyssae

Alyssae tried to concentrate. Her knees burnt now she had fallen on the ground and she crawled under the table. Muddy boots walked past her and left traces on the wooden floor. She was so shocked by the sudden mood change she felt sick. She bent over and threw up. She felt bloody hot and wondered if she caught fever.  
'Focus,' she whispered. 'Focus.'  
However, her concentration seemed miles away. The smell of puke made her feel even worse and in the end she was only trying not to vomit again.  
She was surrounded by voices. Unknown voices, in a language she did recognize but couldn't identify. Like everything else that was happening right now.  
She pushed her fingers against her closed eyes, trying to force them to do their job again. Slowly she crept away from the table. It was dangerous, but she focused on one moving image and slowly realized it was an orc.  
An orc.  
Afraid she crawled back. Probably everyone had left the room to get their weapons, but Alyssae was still sitting under the table, while her sword was in the front room. It wouldn't take long before she was seen.  
She groped in the pouches of her dress, hoping to find a forgotten weapon. The bone comb she had used to unravel her hair or even a fork, but there was nothing.  
Or… Her fingers bumped upon a cold, round object. Clumsy she took it from her pocket, while a sigh left her lips. The ring. With that she could become invisible, right?  
Bilbo had done it. Or had that been just a dream?  
She pushed the jewel around her finger and suddenly her legs disappeared. In shock she got up and bumped with her head against the table.  
'Auch,' she grunted.  
It was stupid. Of course it was, but it was a while ago since Alyssae thought before she did or said something. A head appeared under the tablecloth; an awful orc, who had heard her without a doubt.  
'He can't see me,' she whispered, hoping to maintain lead of the fear. 'He can't see me.'  
The orc tilted his head and bared his rotting teeth.  
Right, he could still hear her. She bit her dents on each other to prevent herself from saying more stupid things.  
The eyes of the orc flashed from left to right, but the ring extracted her from view. Slowly she crawled back, but as soon as she had left the table, a giant orc stepped on her leg. She bit on her lip until she tasted blood. The pain wove through the nerves of her leg to the rest of her body. Black spots danced before her eyes, but she knew how to put her jaws together and the orc stepped forward. She however didn't dare to move again.


	31. Unarmed - Fili

One of Kili's arrows drilled into the windpipe of an orc, who fell on the ground immediately. They moved away from the house that was burning. Flames puffed out of the burst windows and the screams of orcs, who were captured in the oven they lightened themselves, caused a satisfied look in Fili's eyes.  
It was a huge chaos. There were orcs and bears everywhere, fighting each other. Now and then one of them was involved, but none got injured seriously. Fili walked to the others.  
'We can better leave,' he suggested. 'Let them kill each other.'  
Dwalin looked longing at the orcs whom were still alive, but turned his face away in the end. 'We have other things to do.'  
'The bear man will save himself,' Balin thought.  
'Where is Alyssae?'  
Fili turned around and looked at Thorin in disbelief. He lost her in the chaos, but assumed she would slum, since she was just as strong as they were.  
Thorin gave his nephew a penetrating look. 'Have you left her?'  
Fili felt like he withered under his glance. Suddenly his belly hurt, like a stomach ulcer just appeared. His cheeks blushed of shame. He had gone back for a moment, but slipped out the house when he didn't saw her.  
'She'll manage.'  
'She is drunk!' Thorin snarled heated. 'I bet she can't even find the door!'  
Ashamed he bowed his head. He never liked it when is uncle was angry, but above all his own confusing feelings made him lose his head. He didn't understand how he could have left her in such a situation. From the moment she climbed out of that tree to face the orcs he couldn't keep his eyes from her and that feeling grew while their friendship grow stronger. He saw Thorin reversed incensed and walked back to the house. Fili followed him quickly, hoping he could fix his mistake.  
'I got your back,' the voice of his brother sounded behind him, but Fili hated himself too much to thank him. He would never forgive himself when something happened to her.  
Thorin waited for him at the hall. In his hand he held a long sword.  
'She's unarmed.'  
Fili's throat was squeezed by fear. He shrunk when Thorin threw away the sword.  
'She was not in the dining room,' he told Thorin. He looked devastating at him and entered another room.  
Fili did go to the dining room, hoping to reach the adjacent space. However, he could barely concentrate. Alyssae never got out of the room. She was a defenseless prey: drunk and unarmed.  
His respiration speeded up and he started to feel dizzy. Kili laid his hand on his shoulder. 'We'll find her.'  
Nevertheless the fear was also reflected in his eyes and Fili almost drowned in guilt.  
It was scorching hot when he opened the door. Everywhere were broken dishes, amongst the corpses of orcs. The smell of burning flesh penetrated his nose and in a flash he saw Alyssae's body, torn open and her beautiful, dark hair perished to ashes. He swallowed and shook his head to expel the fear.  
One of the doors slammed open and orcs swarmed inside, noticing their presence. They screamed in inaudible sounds, probably forewarning the others of the dwarf flesh they had discovered.  
Although he would have loved to confront the orcs and jump upon them, blind of hate, he had to find Alyssae first.  
'There's nothing here.' Kili pulled his arm and shot some arrows at the orcs who came too close.  
Fili wanted to turn around but suddenly it felt like someone put an invisible chain around his ankle. He tried to loosen his foot, wondering with what devilment he was confronted, but his foot remained in the hold of this invisible evil and he raised his sword to release himself.


	32. Sorry - Alyssae

He looked right into her eyes. In relief Alyssae wanted to smile, until he raised his sword. Would he knock her down? In fear she let go of his leg.  
'Don't!' she squeezed.  
'Was that Alyssae?' Kili asked and he looked around.  
She remembered the ring and pulled it off her finger, so she became visible again. The brothers recoiled and stared stunned at her.  
'How did you do that?'  
Alyssae didn't know if she could trust them. She really wanted to, but Thorin was their uncle. She would feel guilty when she asked them to keep a secret from him.  
Fili helped her to get on her feet. He hugged her tightly and she said a lie: 'I don't know how I did it. It's a gift, some means of defense.'  
As inconspicuous as possible she pushed the ring in her pocket. The dwarf looked at her for some moments, but then let go of her and turned to the orcs, who came really close in the meanwhile.  
'Your sword is in the hall.'  
Alyssae nodded and slipped through the door. Kili clearly didn't trust her abilities, since he stepped after her and only nodded when she found her weapon without stumbling.  
She felt a bit brighter than the moment the orcs invaded, but still the world seemed to turn around her.  
'Where are the others?'  
'They are outside waiting for us, except for Thorin. He went that way to search for you.'  
Kili pointed aside and Alyssae hastened that way. The two dwarves followed her immediately, once in a while turning around to shoot or beat down an orc.  
Alyssae didn't now what to think of the fact that Thorin went looking for her. Why would he risk his life for her? She understood why his nephews did so, since they were close. But Thorin? It was a strange idea, causing a ridiculous sense inside, which was very inconvenient since she struggled with nausea as well.  
'Thorin!' she yelled as soon as she had entered the room. 'I'm here!'  
The chamber was darkened and it took some time before she heard footsteps. A glimmer of moonlight shone upon him and she noticed his arms and sword were soaked in red. The look in his eyes was bewildered, as if he had changed into an animal.  
Alyssae didn't know what to say or do, but she almost died when he pushed her away violently.  
'You should never have drunk so much!' he snarled. He looked disdainfully at her. 'Retarded elves! Don't you drink anything but water?'  
Alyssae leaned against the wall. She was short of breath and felt really sick. How would he react when she puked over him? She grinned while she imagined how angry his face must be, but her laughter only made him more furious and suddenly her cheek was burning.  
'Did you beat me?'  
Slowly she brought her fingers to her cheek.  
'I hoped it would bring you back to normal,' he growled and he looked at Kili and Fili. 'Take her with you and be sure you don't lose her again.'  
Fili bowed his head and wrapped his arm around her. Alyssae held her sword and was dragged along, glad it were dwarves who accompanied her instead of orcs.  
'I'm okay,' she said to Fili. 'I know what I'm doing.'  
'He just wants to hold you,' Kili grinned, but his brother didn't seem to be in the mood for jokes and glanced angrily aside.  
Alyssae looked at Thorin, who walked before them. He walked straight ahead and his manner of moving did something to her. He walked like a king. She tried to remember if her father also walked that way, but it was hard to make a comparison between a surly dwarf and a majestic elf. The only similarity she could think of was their gender. She cowered when a beast roared. It echoed in her head, so it seemed like there were hundreds of animals growling at her.  
'Stay calm,' Fili's voice sounded. 'I'm with you.'  
His grasp around her waist solidified and secretly she was glad he was with her, even though he was small.  
'You're sweet,' she found while she looked at him. His cheeks turned red, although it wasn't visible for other eyes in the little light of the moon. He mumbled something she couldn't hear well – partly because she didn't concentrate – and she saw a group of little men waiting under a tree.  
'I think we're complete,' she announced when she approached them.  
Thorin glanced at her enraged, but Alyssae smiled back friendly and he turned his back to her.  
'Azog will be around too. Let's go quickly. As -'  
'I can't walk fast,' she interrupted him.  
'You have to. Thanks to you we lost a lot of time. It's a miracle the orcs didn't discover us here.'  
'As if I invited them at the party,' Alyssae reacted wronged. She noticed she hiccupped, but couldn't remember when she had started to. Every time sour gall crept higher and she began to sweat.  
'Let's stop this discussion,' Fili mediated. 'We'll help Alyssae.'  
'It's already your fault she lost her mind,' Thorin snarled. 'It's even your fault she's her in the first place!'  
His comment made her so angry she wanted to shout back, but her inaudible words were flushed away by a gulf of puke. She bowed and vomited. In shock she stared at Thorin's shoes, which were covered with a sour sludge.


	33. Motionless Fingers - Alyssae

'Sorry,' she whispered softly and she looked at him with big, innocent eyes. 'Please don't hit me again. I just – I just don't feel very well.'  
Thorin's face turned so red she was afraid he would explode. For a moment she imagined the second his head would blow to bits and pieces of brain, skin and beard would fly around. She trembled and eyed his face, glad it still consisted of one piece. She saw he furiously tried to sweep his shoes on the grass, but reversed bluntly in the end.  
In silence Alyssae walked past the other dwarves. She felt wretched. There was a disgusting taste in her mouth and she bet he never wanted to look at her again.  
She tried to set some things right by walking as fast as she could and she rejected the bottle of water from Fili.  
'You must drink enough,' he protested.  
'Don't waste it on me.'  
'Don't be so stubborn.'  
'You act stubborn yourself.'  
The dwarf said no more about it and Alyssae stared at the starry sky. The lights in the sky seemed to change their places now and then and it scared her a little. It seemed like it could rain fire any moment.  
'Did you ever wish you could fly?' she wondered.  
'I – no. I think we can better keep silent, Alys.'  
She nodded vaguely, but she started to nod because of the surrounding darkness and their silent moving. Talking kept her awake, although she knew it could endanger the others and she shut her mouth.  
Next she made Thorin so angry he wouldn't hit her with his hand, but with his sword.

Alyssae started to hum softly and swung with her head a little. Sleep tried to tempt her to enter his world and it became harder and harder to resist his sudden attacks. Their silence was deafening.  
Now and then Thorin looked back, since they were closing the row, and his look was so abhorrent that he almost seemed bloodthirsty, which scared her.  
Around them echoed the hunting cries of unknown animals and Alyssae sometimes thought to hear a warg, which caused goose bumps on her arms.  
Suddenly she saw Bilbo before her eyes. He certainly had heard those noises before he died. Her lower lip quivered and before she realized, she was crying in silence.  
'What's wrong?' Fili asked frightened.  
Alyssae bowed her head. She couldn't restrain her tears. It was not the first time today that thoughts of Bilbo consumed her, probably caused by the fact that she had taken the time to catch her breath. The events penetrated to her heart only now.  
'Nothing,' she murmured. 'It's just a long day.'  
Her eyes flashed aside when the trees next to her cracked and she screamed when some birds flew away.  
'Ssh, calm down.'  
Alyssae was stunned when he took her hand. Fili smiled nervously at her, but she didn't notice. His thumb rubbed along the back of her hand and she became a little calmer. She took some deep breaths and looked before her, but she froze when she noticed the king of the dwarves stood still. For some reason she wanted to take away her hand from Fili, but her fingers seemed paralyzed.  
The look in Thorin's eyes was even darker than the black sky above their heads, which faded a little at the horizon, high above the black shadows of a dense forest. Seeing that wood made her gasp for breath and she didn't think about letting go of Fili's hand anymore.  
She turned to Thorin. Her voice was probably the last thing he wanted to hear, but there were words on the tip of her tongue she couldn't swallow. Most likely she again took the risk to see Thorin's head exploding, but if she didn't had her say, it was possibly not only Thorin who would lose his head.


	34. Hidden - Alyssae

Alyssae dragged Fili to Thorin and she looked at him firmly, although she knew the fear in her eyes would escape nobody's attention.  
'I'm not sober,' she whispered.  
'Are you kidding?' he sniffed sarcastically.  
'We're approaching Mirkwood. It's very dangerous there and if I can't use my senses for the full hundred percent, I will be dead before I can raise my sword.'  
Her respiration faltered while she looked in his eyes. A strange feeling spread across her chest and she stepped back hastily, afraid to vomit again.  
'What do you suggest I'll do?' he hissed, while he looked along her into the darkness. 'The wargs are near!'  
Alyssae didn't know what evil was more dangerous. She wasn't sure about the creatures which were hidden in the forest, but alarming rumors had even slipped into her hometown and she felt the evil wasn't kept back during her captivity.  
'Then go, but I'll stay here. I'll take my chances.' She squeezed her eyes because she felt dizzy again. 'I'm exhausted.'  
'It's easier to shake off the orcs when we are in the dense forest,' Balin noticed.  
Alyssae could barely mingle the discussion and she shook her head.  
'If you weren't so damn tall, I would have carried you,' Dwalin growled.  
In the distance the howling of wolves echoed and Thorin drew his sword. 'We can't wait, Alyssae!'  
She looked at him in surprise. 'You called my name.'  
'Let's worry about that later,' he grouched. 'We'll go on.'  
He started to move again, but Alyssae persisted and let go of Fili's hand.  
'I stay here. Hopefully they'll follow your trail until they passed me. I'll come after you tomorrow.'  
Thorin turned and shook his head in anger, but again was distracted by the frightening howling of their approaching enemies.  
'I stay with her,' Fili said.  
'Me too,' Kili added immediately. 'Alyssae is right. She's an easy prey and she will slow down all of us. We'll come after you tomorrow and hopefully the wargs won't notice.'  
'So be it,' Thorin decided while sighing deeply.  
They looked at each other uneasy, but then Thorin turned around and ran for the trees.  
Alyssae would have loved to hug them – all of them – for one last time, since she wasn't certain she would see them again, but there was no time to lose.  
'Let's hide over there.' Kili pointed at a rockery not far away, which was full of bushes. Alyssae nodded and looked over her shoulder. There were no orcs, but she was afraid it won't take long before they would swarm across the hill. Hopefully they had enough time to hide.  
Although Alyssae knew her legs couldn't take her much further, she tried to run. Hopefully she collapsed just when the rocks took her out of sight.

Her heart beated in her chest and echoed in her head when she dropped between the stones. She grazed her knee on a sharp edge of a rock and red blood dripped down her lower leg, but still she gazed in the distance where wargs could appear at any moment.  
Fili stood up and walked away to prevent an attack in their backs and Kili was stationed next to her, with his arrow and bow in his hand.  
Alyssae went down slowly, so she wasn't visible anymore. She reacted slower than she normally would do and she didn't want to give away their shelter.  
'Give me a sign when you see them, okay?' she whispered.  
Kili nodded without taking his eyes off the landscape. His brown hair fell before his face, so she couldn't see if he was just as tired as she was.  
Alyssae closed her eyes, determined to escape from the chaos for just a moment. However, quickly the intense beating of her heart diminished and her breathing became calmer.


	35. Nowhere to be Seen - Alyssae

First I have a really urgent question... what means 'the life' of your chapters in the doc manager? Some chapters have a little more than ten days, so I start to worry... can anybody explain it? (:

Alyssae woke up when she heard a sniffing sound. Hastily she got up, while she looked around disorientated. A startled hare slipped into some bushes and she breathed relieved.  
The sky was grey, although the day already had begun. She thanked the heavens for their good care, since she expected she couldn't bear sunlight at the moment.  
She still felt sick and her head seemed to burst. The memories of the day before were disjointed and strange and she permitted her brain a few moments to order the events.  
In the end she concluded she had some quarrels with Thorin yesterday, with a result she couldn't call bad, and that they had a party after dinner which was disturbed by orcs. Since then her memories showed more gaps, although she did remember a hasty, tiring journey which seemed to have stopped here.  
Alyssae spotted Kili, who leaned against a rock and had closed his eyes. She called the name of the dwarf and when he looked up he set himself straight quickly.  
'You're the best sentry I've ever seen,' she chuckled.  
He gave her a crooked smile. 'The wargs passed by hours ago.'  
'Where are the others? My memory isn't working very well.'  
'The others went into the forest. We were hunted by orcs and you didn't want to enter the woods.'  
'I still do not,' she murmured. 'Couldn't I convince Thorin to take another way?'  
She was disappointed in herself. The last thing she wanted was entering that cursed wood – and the dwarves were in greater danger than she would ever be!  
'He didn't have a choice. You couldn't stand on your feet any longer and you wanted him to leave. We stayed with you.'  
'He left me behind,' she understood, wondering why. Didn't he care about her? She knew it wasn't true, for he went back to save her yesterday. Or did he regret his rescue? You never knew with him…  
Or did he think she could defy the wargs? An illogical assumption, since she supposedly couldn't stand straight anymore.  
'It was your plan,' Kili said while hesitating. 'He trusted you.'  
Although those words should make her proud, she couldn't escape the hollow feeling inside. Still she didn't know if that was caused by Thorin's decision or the fear that teased her since she had seen Mirkwood.  
'What did I say about the forest?' she wanted to know. 'Yesterday?'  
'Nothing, except that it was very dangerous. There was no time to talk.'  
Alyssae massaged her temples and cursed herself. Hadn't she even warned them to stay on the road? Although she knew she couldn't have foreseen the orc attack, she felt quilty. She was probably the only one who knew what was waiting for them and even she didn't know any details.  
'Where is Fili?'  
She could remember he was with her yesterday.  
'I think he fell asleep a little ahead.'  
Alyssae nodded shortly, after which they decided to look for the young dwarf.

'There's no trace of him,' Kili sighed when they had canvassed the whole rockery. 'I don't get it.'  
Alyssae smoothed her hair with her hand nervously and walked to the edge of the forest. She couldn't imagine he went inside on his own but nothing was impossible here. There dark creatures lived most people hadn't even heard of and maybe there was something that had attracted his attention.  
With a sigh she turned back to Kili. She knew he would never go after the others as long as his brother was missing, but their decision was urgent.  
Every minute they hesitated, Thorin and the others moved further away from them and Alyssae feared it wouldn't take long before they ended up in the hands of something evil – if that had not happened already.


	36. Embracing hope - Alyssae

Alyssae and Kili searched the rockery one more time, but the young dwarf was gone.  
'He's not here.' Alyssae looked with regret at her companion, who looked a little pale. 'We'll find him.'  
Kili said nothing and hung his shaft with arrows over his shoulder. They both knew the situation was very uncertain. Even the dwarf felt there lived something dark in the forest and it remained to be seen if the two of them could resist.  
'We can better look for the others and go back after we found them,' Alyssae suggested. 'Thirteen pairs of eyes always see more than just two.'  
Kili sighed when they walked to the forest. The trees rose feets above them and even Alyssae felt tiny. They approached a small passage. On both sides of the gravel road, almost invisible by a pile of fallen leaves, were thick black tree trunks. The leafy canopy was so far away it made her dizzy.  
'The others will come for us, won't they?' Kili asked while he looked into the distance before him, hoping to see his companions.  
'If they don't, I'll worry.'  
She believed Thorin was able to leave her behind, but she couldn't imagine he wanted the same fate for his nephews. He would come back for them and if not - it wouldn't be his own decision.  
The two stepped on the path. Alyssae had no idea what she was supposed to do. The forest was enormous and Fili could be anywhere – at least if he wasn't dragged along by some dark creature.  
Yet after two steps the atmosphere changed. It became harder to breathe and she felt like an enormous, invisible hand tried to push her down. The hope they would find Fili run down immediately, although she couldn't explain these feelings.  
'I will look for him as soon as we have found the others.'  
The last thing she wanted was leaving the path on her own, but she could easily move forward across the trees, which would make it easier to find the dwarf. However, she didn't want to leave Kili behind, afraid he would disappear as well.  
'Don't you even think about it.'  
He looked wronged at her, but Alyssae shook her head. 'There are elves living in these woods.'  
More than that, Thranduil lived in this forest. This thought caused goose bumps on her arms. It would be disastrous when they encountered. Not only because Thorin would like to see Thranduil's head on a plate – which he would undoubtedly yell at him – but also because Thranduil knew about her origins. After all she was supposed to marry the son of his brother – Thranduin. He would bring her back to her parents and she feared the dwarves wouldn't want to look at her anymore when they found out.  
'What elves?'  
It felt like he could read her thoughts, since he looked at her inquiringly.  
'It doesn't matter. Let's find the others.'  
'And then we go back for Fili?'  
Alyssae nodded. 'Of course.'  
The delay of the search for his brother didn't seem to please him, but he also seemed to be afraid to investigate the area together.  
'They won't be far.'  
Alyssae was silent, while she tried not to think about the orcs and wargs which went after them. Who knew what they would come across? They all could be dead…  
The leaves made swampy noises beneath their moving weights. She looked over her shoulder, but the entrance was only a small opening and soon there would only be darkness.  
The dark reminded her of the dungeons of the goblins, calling the same feelings: exhausted by doing nothing, hungry and holding on to every spark of hope to get away.  
That hope had became her way out and this time she wanted to embrace it again.


	37. Madness - Bofur

Bofur was sitting on a fallen tree trunk. He had rolled up the rags of his right pant and tried to explore the wound that was left by the grinding jaws of a warg last night.  
He had postponed the moment until dawn, but enough light to see anything stayed away. Dwalin lit a piece of wood, which he held close to the wound. Because of the heat he pulled his leg aside. The movement caused a sudden pain and he pressed his molars together while he cursed growling.  
'Can you move on?'  
Bofur looked up. Thorin was very impatient. He actually wanted to go back yesterday, in spite of the bisection of the amount of flesh around his lower leg and the fact that Gloin was hit on his head so heavily they had feared he would die.  
As soon as they had left the others Thorin was very moody. Bofur knew for sure he liked the elf – even though he tried so hard to keep it secret. It wasn't necessary at all, for they all had had nice conversations with her and Bofur wasn't an exception.  
Although dwarf women attracted his attention more easily, since Alyssae was almost just skin and bones - she had become a friend of him and he didn't want her to go through something bad.  
Nevertheless he had dismissed his concerns about Fili, Kili and Alyssae as soon as their plan succeeded and the wargs followed their trail. They hadn't much time to triumph because their tired bodies and intoxicated minds had to do everything they could to fight the wargs. Fortunately it was just a little pack of orcs. One part went into the woods to stab them in the back, but they disappeared. After this odd event they decided to stay on the road, for something dismal was surely hidden in the bushes, which must have killed the orcs and their animals.  
'Yes,' he answered Thorin's question, since he didn't want to stay in this woods any longer than was necessary. He squeezed his eyes when he stood up and walked some steps, but censured himself by saying he didn't had to pose. Injuries belonged to this journey. They must be glad they were all still alive – unlike the poor hobbit. Certainly Thorin and Alyssae, who escaped death just in time.

In silence they moved on. Grumbling they stepped over the dead bodies they left behind yesterday and Bofur was glad to see they hadn't attract bloodthirsty creatures. He felt very uncomfortable. He believed to hear whispering voices and everywhere eyes were gazing at them, in all the colours he could imagine. Nobody dared to speak, although he heard Bombur whispering to himself once in a while. It was clear he was afraid.  
Although Bofur was used to narrow subterranean places, these woods had a claustrophobic effect on him. His hand didn't move away from his sword and he saw the others acting just the same.  
The whispers became more and more penetrating and sometimes he thought he could distinguish words. The voices belonged to strangers and he knew for sure he had never heard them before. However sometimes they looked very familiar, as if his memories were speaking to him and wanted to move him into a certain direction.  
The eyes of Balin flashed nervously from left to right and he suspected the old dwarf experienced the same as him. Did these voices try to bother them too yesterday? Or had they been so busy they only focused on their pursuers?  
He became conscious of his dry mouth and a rumbling sound from his belly. A terrible thirst suddenly attacked his throat, as if the blood that was leaving his body needed to be supplemented with water.  
He startled when Thorin drew his sword and stared in the darkness on the right of them. Alarmed the others got their weapons too while they followed his gaze. Colored eyeballs still observed them and Thorin turned around.  
'We go back.'  
'Back?' he asked baffled. 'Why?'  
'Because I say so!' Thorin snarled and the grasp around his sword tightened.  
Bofur looked at Balin. 'We can't leave Kili and Fili! Nor Alyssae!'  
Thorin stared right into his eyes. Bofur got the feeling he looked into a shadow instead of eyes.  
'I don't want to hear the name of that filthy elf ever again!' He stamped on the ground and turned away. 'I hope she'll rot away and that her cursed body will eaten by everything that lives here in its dark holes!'  
Dwalin grabbed his arm to stop him but Thorin's sword glided through the air and the dwarf knew how to duck down just in time.  
'I told you to move on! I am your king and you will obey.'  
Bofur stood still in disbelief, convinced that something made him mad. Thorin would never speak to them with such words, but now he was steadfast and even life dangerous, such as he had attacked Dwalin…


	38. Voices - Dwalin

Dwalin didn't let go of Thorin's eyes. He didn't plan to pitch into his king, but the man who was snarling at them wasn't the Thorin he knew. Although he liked the elf, he would have left her when his lord commanded him to do so, since she was outside the dangers of the wood, but Thorin's order to leave behind his own kin was unbelievable. He however knew it was pointless to raise protests and the only thing he could think of was splitting up. A very insecure idea, since strange things suddenly happened to them.  
Dwalin noticed the temptation became stronger to grab his weapon himself. Curses rolled out of Thorin's mouth, which made him angry, although he tried to convince himself something evil crept inside the thoughts of his prince.  
It became more and more difficult to resist the longing to cross their weapons. Voices whispered to him that Thorin thought he was a loafer. That he respected none of them and that he needed them only to divert Smaug, so that the dragon wouldn't consume his flesh.  
For a moment he was distracted because Bombur sat down on the ground and crossed his arms. Loudly he proclaimed he didn't want to move anymore, while an irritated Bofur and Nori tried to get him on his feet again.  
'This escalates,' Dwalin growled. 'Don't listen to the voices! Don't allow them in your head!'  
Bombur shut his mouth abruptly and looked at him questioning, although he still refused to get off the ground.  
'We have to do the opposite of whatever the voices tell us to do. This forest is cursed. Whoever is whispering to us, they have no good intentions!'  
'All the more reasons to go away,' Thorin confirmed.  
'And Fili and Kili?'  
'They can take care of themselves.'  
Although he trusted the two young dwarves, he doubted Thorin's words. As far as he could see, nobody could help himself here. Thorin only thought about his own safety, Bombur refused to move on and Dwalin had to fight harder and harder against the urgent to grab his axe and force the others to act normal. Soon the others would do strange things as well and that outsight frightened him.  
'What can we do?' he asked his brother desperately.  
If there was anyone who could think of a way out, it was Balin, who had seen more of the world than anyone else.  
Nevertheless, the dwarf sighed deeply and he observed Thorin walking away while shaking his head despondently.  
'I don't know, brother. If we want to stay alive, we'll have to go back to travel around the forest, since it's clear the woods are poisoning our minds. Then, however, we will never reach the mountain in time.'  
Dwalin dropped down his head in despair. He yearned for fresh air and he knew every mind would get a boost by that. 'We have to convince Thorin to go back.'  
He didn't want to give up the quest, but he neither wanted to wander in a cursed dark forest forever, which would drive them crazy one by one.


	39. Intense Feelings - Alyssae

'I can hear them.'  
Alyssae couldn't give an indication of the distance they were still separated from the others, for it was so mouse still every sound seemed to be strengthened ten times.  
Kili stared into the distance, but his facial expression made clear he couldn't trust his own judgment.  
She was worried. A while ago Kili commented he heard whispering voices and since they didn't bother her, she supposed it was ancient elf magic which tried to protect the woods from intruders. After whispering a few words back, Kili was teased no longer, but that didn't go for the other dwarves. Their voices were audible for everyone with a developed hearing, which meant they didn't care about potential enemies anymore. Something they would only do when they were in danger.  
Alyssae and Kili increased their speed until they were running. They didn't pay attention to their environment, especially not when they discerned the group. Relieved she took a deep breath when she counted eleven dwarves. She shook her head when she saw Bombur, who was sitting on the ground and looked moody the other way. Dwalin's face was red and he screamed on-going. And Thorin –  
Thorin suddenly stood before her. Kili screamed and pushed her away, by which the sword scuffed her shoulder. Red blood spouted out and Alyssae lost her balance and fell on the ground.  
Thorin looked down at her and ignored the protests of his companions. His eyes were bloodshot and his lower lip quivered of anger. Alyssae came upright and she didn't notice the blood that was streaming down her arm. She started to whisper in the ancient language of the elves, but it only seemed to increase his fury.  
'Don't speak those obscure words!' he barked. 'You think I don't understand your curses?'  
Again he wanted to struck with his sword, but this time Alyssae was prepared and she kept off his strike with her own sword. The smash was so heavy her arm shook and even more blood gushed from the wound in her shoulder. She bit on her lip while they crossed their swords again and suddenly it was Bofur who banged Thorin against his head, which made him fall.  
Hastily Alyssae knelt down next to him. She feared the magic was already too deep into his mind. There was a chance he would never return to the man he once had been.  
He screamed curses in the tongue of the dwarves and tried to get on his feet, but Dwalin had dropped down next to her and held his king to the floor.  
With two hands she held Thorin's face, while she looked deep into his eyes. His face was hot and the hairs of his beard stuck to her hands. She muttered sentences which popped up automatically in her mind and she didn't even think about the words. They came by itself, while she stared into Thorin's mysterious eyes.  
The dwarf prince became calmer. His eyes didn't flash from left to right anymore, but he looked straight forward.  
His head was so close the heat of his face swept her cheeks. They looked deep into each other's eyes and Alyssae was aware of her lips, which were only a few inches away from his. The urge to kiss him became so strong she withdrew in shock. As soon as their eye contact was broken Thorin seemed to get grip on himself again. He stared at Dwalin, who still pushed his legs to the ground. 'What – in Durin's name – is going on?'  
'You almost cut off Alyssae's arm!' Kili answered with an accusative tone.  
'And my head,' Dwalin mumbled, who got on his feet. 'But that's forgiven.'  
The confusion on his face was so heavy Alyssae felt for him. Helplessly he stared at her bleeding shoulder, but she turned away quickly. Why was it precisely Thorin who attacked someone? And why was _she_ that someone? What did the voices tell him? The truth? Was that the reason he was so mad?  
She knelt down next to Bombur and whispered the spells again, while she looked at him. She almost hoped the longing to kiss a dwarf returned, but unfortunately this time the feelings stayed away. Alyssae realized it didn't depend upon the magic of the forest, nor upon the drinks of yesterday.  
For some stupid reason Thorin – son of Thráin, son of Thrór, king under the mountain – called up intense feelings.


	40. Hand in Hand - Alyssae

Satisfied Alyssae saw how Bombur got on his feet. She touched the wound in her shoulder. Her fingers slipped over her skin, but she didn't believe it would cause her death.  
She noticed the dwarves looked awaiting at her – except for Thorin, who was on the edge of the path and looked the other way.  
She knew what the dwarves wanted to know and she glanced in Kili's eyes for a short moment. His face was pale because of the tension.  
'Well, as you can see, Fili is gone.' She couldn't help her voice sounded a little irritated, but she was still disconcerted because Thorin attacked her out of the blue and the fact that she had wanted to kiss him so badly.  
'I planned to -'  
'So now you are the one who's making plans?' Thorin asked unfriendly, who had turned around again.  
Alyssae found it a childish comment and she decided to ignore him until her sentence was finished.  
'Kili and I wanted to go back as soon as we had found you. Fili disappeared at the border of the woods, so you can wait outside the delusion of the forest while I'm looking for him.' She looked at Thorin disparaging. 'Or has His Majesty a better idea?'  
'It is madness to leave the path on your own.'  
'Only for someone who has to move afoot, but I will not.'  
'I'm going with you.'  
His words made her chuckle. 'You are going with me? You jump easily from tree to tree? Do you have the eyes of a hawk?'  
Thorin's face darkened, although that expression disappeared quickly behind his motionless mask. 'You can't go alone.'  
Alyssae knew he wanted the best for her, but she believed this was the quickest way to find Fili.  
'You're the only one who attacked me.'  
Thorin silenced after her words and looked the other way, whereby he accepted her plan.

In silence they walked back. Some whispered softly with each other, but most of them didn't dare to raise their voices, afraid the owners of the bright eyes would come closer.  
Alyssae walked a little behind the others, so she could keep an eye on everything. She was so consumed by the environment she was startled when someone waited for her and cleared his throat.  
'How's your shoulder?'  
She looked aside surprised when she recognized Thorin's voice. He glanced at the ground while he kept walking. She couldn't do anything but nod, even though it hurt badly. Pain however was something she seemed to get used to, those days.  
'Yes.' The silence was a little uncomfortable, because Alyssae realized too late he couldn't notice her nodding as long as he didn't look at her.  
'I don't know what happened.'  
Alyssae looked at him. His shoulders were hanging and from his sad gesture she knew he was ashamed of his behavior – although he could be worried about his missing nephew too.  
'I do. It's an ancient magic that's floating around here.'  
Thorin's sniffing made clear he didn't like magic. He looked at her very carefully and a nervous feeling overwhelmed her. She smiled tentatively, but his surly expression didn't mitigate.  
'You were mad at me, huh?' Alyssae sighed. 'The voices only fueled that anger.'  
The sigh Thorin let hear, seemed to vibrate her eardrums. As if he was glad she opened up herself, so he could rebuke her again. He however didn't take the initiative to speak about it and since Alyssae didn't want to keep struggling with this ignorance any longer, she started guessing herself.  
'Is this about the fact I puked over your shoes?' A blush appeared on her cheeks. 'Because I'm really ashamed about that.'  
Thorin grinned shortly. 'When you did so, I indeed really wanted to beat you up.'  
Relieved she realized that wasn't the reason. But what was?  
'You found it annoying you had to come back for me when the orcs invaded?'  
'Yes, also.'  
'But?'  
He looked up. His glance was cold and for a moment Alyssae got the feeling she choked.  
'I saw your yesterday with Fili.'  
'What?' she asked frowning.  
He didn't let go of her eyes, which really got on her nerves. She didn't dare to look away. What was he suggesting? Why the hell would he be angry about that?  
'The two of you were walking hand in hand.'


	41. Coloured Stars - Fili

I am sorry I kept you waiting so long, but I had some problems with uploading the chapters. But now it's working again. (:

Fili beat around wildly when he walked through another spider web. The threads stuck at his arms and were so thick he could barely get rid of it. Even with the help of his sword he could hardly free himself.  
Anxiously his eyes flashed from left to right. Until now the makers of the gigantic webs hadn't shown themselves and he felt very lucky about that – but he knew they were spying at him from the high tree tops.  
The darkness around him made him depressed. It was so dark he wouldn't be surprised if he walked right into the mouth of a monster, only realizing he did so when the jaws collapsed.  
A shivering crawled down his spine when he made an image of it in his mind, which was way too realistic and he sent his thoughts in another direction. Alyssae. At this moment she was the only light he could see. He got the feeling the webs would pulverize when he touched them with the hand she had held yesterday. Yet also a shadow came over his memories when he thought about her. For the second time he had left her behind – again without a reason. There had been something in the woods that had attracted his attention. He had heard someone crying and for a moment he had believed he had seen a helpless silhouette, which lured him further and further away from his brother and her.  
Where would they be now? Would they have found the others? Would they ever find him here? He knew they would go out looking for him, but these woods were enormous and probably nobody would survive here for more than just a few days. The darkness depressed him and he wandered around for just one day – although that day seemed to last a year.  
Fili looked over his shoulder when he heard a strange noise, like a rodent that snapped a branch between his teeth. Two luminous eyes took his breath away, which were just a few inches away. The eyes rose above him, by which he recoiled backward stumbling. Long, bony legs held up a fat, hairy body and helpless he looked at the sword in his hands, which only seemed a void piece of cutlery. He didn't dare to turn around to run away, scared the deterred creature would push him to the ground. He however also realized it neither was useful to attack the animal, nor to keep standing still and in the end he decided trying to escape from the monster was his only chance to survive. He didn't look over his shoulder while he tried to find grip on the humid soil. The leaves slipped away under his feet, but he knew how to keep balance.  
After a few trees he slipped sideways, hoping to confuse the animal. His heart raced in his throat and he couldn't remember he had ever been so anxious. He understood how Alyssae must have felt, when she was faced by a hungry warg. He lost his balance because of a sudden difference in height and rolled over the floor. While he lift himself up with help of a thick tree root he looked carefully over his shoulder, but the spider was nowhere to be seen. This didn't make him feel safer and he started to run again, although he had no idea where he was heading for. That beast could be anywhere.

Because of the stuffy atmosphere which hang between the dead trees, it didn't take long before Fili gasped for breath. He breathed heavily while he leaned against a thick bark, wiping off the sweat from his forehead and trying to control himself again. He didn't know anymore. He had no idea where he had to seek for salvation. Everything looked the same. There didn't seem to come an end to the rows of trees and the shadows seemed to enclose his heart. In vain he searched for beautiful memories. The mischief he caused with his brother when they were younger. Their uncle who invited them to this journey. The food fight in Rivendell. His arms around Alyssae, while they danced elated on the music.  
It didn't matter. Before a smile could appear on his face he was thrown to the ground. His wrist snapped when he came down on a stump. He rolled on his right side, while he chopped with his sword in the body that hang above him. The beast screeched viciously when he cut open the stomach of the creature, because of which he became smeared with the intestines of the immense insect. The large legs stepped around him and made it rain fallen leaves. Fili knew how to free himself. The animal stood on his sword, so he fled without the weapon. The fear that congeners would be attracted by his death cries clasped his heart. Run, was all he said to himself. Run.

And that was exactly what he was doing. He almost paid no attention to the environment but kept running, now and then avoiding roots at the last moment.  
Suddenly the ground disappeared beneath his feet. He tumbled forward, flinging with his arms. The awareness that he would die penetrated his mind when he kept falling into a deep hole. He must have been fallen from a cliff.  
His body made convulsive movements when he fell in ice cold water. The current dragged him along and it took a lot of effort to keep his head above the water. An effort which took its toll in the end, because he slammed with his head against a rock. The pain was so heavy he was afraid his head exploded. In an outburst of coloured stars and bright flashes of light he saw Alyssae's smiling face, but even that faded away lastly.


	42. Tell Him - Alyssae

'We were walking hand in hand,' Alyssae repeated. She couldn't remember very well, but assumed he didn't pull out of his ass.  
She looked at him inquiringly. Why would that make him angry? She didn't know if Fili had feelings for her, but even if that was the case, what had Thorin to do with that?  
She broke into cold sweat when she got another idea.  
"You should have seen his face." Those were words Kili had spoken after she had cleaned herself and finally looked proper again. "'He acts like he hates you, but he thinks your nicer than he dares to admit."  
She didn't dare to look at him when she wondered if he could feel the same like her. She knew she wasn't acting very exemplary and she understood when he didn't want to show his feelings for an elf. The dwarf king, who felt a deep hate for all tall creatures with pointy ears.  
'You're jealous?"  
It was an insecure muttering which left her mouth and as soon as she heard the words, her cheeks turned flaming red. She swallowed uneasily and looked the other way. The dark threat which came from the trees, suddenly seemed to welcome her and she wanted to flee to it so badly.  
'Jealous?' He spit out the word.  
Alyssae didn't dare to look him in the eyes, but Thorin forced her to do so when he suddenly stood before her.  
'Go ahead!' he snapped at the others. 'I won't attack her. The elf just wants a romantic moment.'  
She caught a questioning look from Kili, but she didn't dare to move and she wished she could disappear. How could she fall for such a man? He had a heart of stone.  
'I don't know why you want to crush his heart, but I swear on the grave of my forefathers I will not rest before I paid you back if you succeed.'  
Alyssae stared at him in disbelief. Something inside her was dying and because of that loss her eyes started to tear. 'I – I was drunk. It meant nothing.'  
'You think I don't know that?' His voice had lowered dangerously. 'That's the whole point.'  
'What?' she asked weakly.  
'You pretend like you've feelings for him, which isn't.' He breathed in and out. His thundering voice felt like a wild wave that beat against her and took her breath away.  
'I don't pretend!' Alyssae protested. 'I was just scared yesterday. I held his hand. Nothing more! Until now I didn't even know he wanted to be more than just friends!'  
Dear lord, she wished so badly it had been reversed. That she had fallen in love with Fili instead of his embittered uncle.  
Frustrated she stroke her hair with her hand, but she still couldn't realise Thorin's anger was caused by something so silly as this. She understood he cared about his nephew, but he went a little too far…  
'I swear I never meant to harm him! If there's someone I wish all the love of the world, it's him!'  
That answer didn't seem to propitiate Thorin, because he still looked furiously at her.  
'Tell him,' he answered provokingly.  
'What? That I have no feelings for him?' She shook her head in disbelief. She never imagined that she would have a conversation like this with the dwarf king.  
'No. Tell him the truth: that you are engaged and that you will marry someone else as soon as Erebor is in our hands again.'


	43. Lovers - Alyssae

Alyssae sighed when she faced the facts. Because she was captured shortly after the proposal, she had thought about other things. She hadn't held back on purpose and she wouldn't have lied about it when someone asked her.  
'I don't like it to be engaged,' she mumbled. 'And I try to forget it as much as possible.'  
She experienced a strange feeling in her chest while she looked at him. She knew she preferred to be with him instead of Thranduin. They would hopefully never find out. Thorin would be dying of laughter and her fiancé would find her ridiculous. She would dishonour her family when her secret would be revealed.  
The glance in Thorin's eyes eased a little, as if he realized he had drawn his conclusions too quickly again.  
'It's also the reason I don't want to go home,' she admitted. 'I want to postpone it as much as possible.' She frowned. 'How did you know about my engagement anyway?'  
'It was in your letter,' he answered while he turned around. The others were almost invisible.  
Alyssae relaxed a little now he didn't block the road anymore. She already forgot she had written down Thranduin's name. She peeked aside. Thorin seemed to think a little milder about her, as if this would change the fact that she would hurt Fili…  
'I only saw him twice,' she sighed. 'He wasn't unfriendly, but…'  
She shrugged. But someone else already stole her heart. That someone even walked next to her and had no idea what trouble he caused.  
She doubted if Thorin wanted to know anything about it and actually only one question burned on her lips. She didn't know if it was wise to ask it, but she did it anyway.  
'And what about you? Is there someone your heart is longing for?'  
She was surprised to see his cheeks coloured a little. She looked forward and noticed they approach the entry to Mirkwood again, because of which the environment was a little lighter. Alyssae grinned when he seemed to feel entrapped. Actually she didn't want to know for who he was longing secretly, but it was so cute to see him blush she couldn't do anything but ask further.  
'What's her name?"  
'There is none,' he answered grumpy, but everything told her he was lying.  
'Come on! I don't know her, eh? Besides, you weren't blushing for nothing!'  
'I do not blush.'  
Alyssae chuckled because of his wronged face, but his gesture was so insecure she wanted to hug him.  
'She must be very special to make the heart of a stubborn person like you beat faster.'  
'There is none, Alyssae!' he snarled, after which he speeded up his tempo and walked in front of her obstinately.  
Alyssae looked at him with a vague smile around her lips, although her feelings were quite complicated. The fact that his eye had caught someone else was easier to accept than she had expected, probably because she had always known he would never love her and even if he did, they both had more important obligations they couldn't escape. Nevertheless she was very curious. What kind of dwarf woman could make Thorin's mind race? Would she ever meet her? Or was she far away – the reason why he reacted this way? Was she dead?  
After all, the dwarves had fought a lot and Thorin wasn't very young. Generally she would have expected him to tell her when she had died or lived far away from here, but Thorin was a closed book concerning his personal life. Even though, she wouldn't be surprised if this still unanswered love was the cause of his moodiness.


	44. Goodbye - Alyssae

Alyssae sniffed the fresh air when she left the forest. It was getting dark again, which meant that Fili was missing for almost a day. They had no time to lose. Furthermore she didn't want to get used to the feeling she experienced as soon as she had left the menacing trees behind: the feeling she was freed from chains around her ankles and wrists.  
'I'm going back.'  
The others looked hesitating at her. 'Don't you wanna eat something?'  
Alyssae shook her head. 'I can live on the meal of yesterday.'  
'Are you sure you want to go on your own?' Kili asked softly.  
She nodded, although she dread going back alone. 'Only then I can search fast.'  
Kili threw his arms around her like a silent agreement. 'Please, bring him back.'  
Alyssae nodded and she put her hand on his shoulder, although she couldn't make a promise. She knew she needed a lot of luck. 'I'll do everything I can.' After a short hesitation she kissed his forehead and then turned around.  
She was already on her way back to the path when Bombur's resentful voice made her turn around. 'Aren't you going to see goodbye to us? Maybe- maybe you won't come back!'  
The thick dwarf looked at her with large eyes and Alyssae decided a few minutes more wouldn't make a difference. She hugged the dwarf and swallowed difficultly when he sniffed softly.  
'You have to come back!'  
'Of course I come back, Bombur.'  
His tears however were so touching she started to doubt if this was the right thing to do. She stepped back and wanted to move to the next one, but Bombur looked at her with a sad face.  
'Won't I get a kiss?'  
Alyssae kissed him while chuckling. 'Keep your head up.'  
Then she also said goodbye to the others, because of which she became more aware of the danger that was waiting for her. The chance she would disappear as well was more likely than Fili and her both turning back to the others.

Finally she stood before Thorin. Nervously she smoothened her dress and looked swiftly in his eyes. First she just wanted to shake his hand, but someone pushed her in the back, because of which she bumped against him. She looked quickly over her shoulder and saw Bofur grin.  
Her nerves made every fibre in her body tingle and she embraced Thorin shortly. Her face coloured flaming red when she noticed she pulled his face – because of his short length – right against her breasts and she let go of him in shock. She didn't know if she had done the same with the other dwarves, but she was quite confused by Bofur's action and she might have held him more tightly then the others. Although, maybe it wasn't because of the fact she was pushed, but because this farewell was anything but easy. She strengthened her shoulders and looked at him. 'I can't guarantee that I'll come back. I wish you all the luck of the world with your quest when – when we will be separated.'  
There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but no word could come over her lips. Finally she broke through her stress and she also kissed his forehead. Her fingers touched his cheek, knowing she probably would never get a chance like this.  
'You will be a great king,' she whispered.  
Because of these words his eyes seemed to light up a little. She smiled carefully, knowing that he struggled with his identity and with the mistakes his father and grandfather had made. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She didn't want to go. She preferred to stay here, looking shamelessly in his eyes.  
'You don't have to do this,' he said.  
'I know, but Fili is close to our hearts.'  
Thorin opened his mouth, but seemed to have second thoughts. Alyssae looked awaiting at him and in the end he stared at his shoes and mumbled. 'Thranduin is lucky to have you.'  
Alyssae could barely believe these words were coming from his mouth and a tiny smile appeared on her face. She drew so much courage from this sentence she bowed towards him and brought her lips to his ear to whisper: '_Gi melin.'_  
Then she turned around and rushed towards the path. Her running footsteps were soon inaudible for the dwarves, who watched her with sadness in their hearts.


	45. Last words - Alyssae

Alyssae didn't look over her shoulder when she entered Mirkwood for the second time. The tendency to go back to the others was strong, but she knew her mind would never find rest. She would always blame herself and drown in guilt because she had done nothing to find Fili.

While she went off the path and climbed into a tree she cursed the fact she hadn't asked for Kili's bow, which she could use more easily than that stupid orc sword, which hung on her hip unhandy and bumped to her right knee the whole time.  
Her fingers clung to hidden crooks in the gnarled ancient tree and she left the ground behind. As soon as she pulled herself up, she got the feeling the wound in her shoulder was ripped open and she was afraid she would keep a permanent injury if she kept going.  
Still, that was exactly what she was doing. She swallowed the pain and climbed higher, where she knew how to cover large distances through the tree tops. Gasping for breath she wiped away her dark hair that hung before her eyes and took away her sight to the ground.

It took long before Alyssae's eyes got used to the darkness, but in the end it became easier to distinguish shapes. Now and then she went by enormous nets, spun by monstrous spiders. A dismal feeling crept on her, while she tried to banish the fear out of her heart that one of those monsters had overwhelmed Fili. She wished there were animals with which she could share her quest, but she saw only dark squirrels that run away as soon as she noticed her.

Alyssae lost her sense of time. She was exhausted, but she didn't dare to sleep, afraid she would never wake up again. She was still bleeding steady and she attracted predators without a doubt.  
How much time had passed? Inside these woods there seemed to be another reality than in the rest of Middle Earth, since it was always dark here. She decided not to wrestle through the thick leaves again to see if it was night or day, because it would take a lot of time before her eyes were used to the darkness again.  
Still she had to rest. She wouldn't find Fili when she was dead. Then she would never see Thorin again. She tried to find a comfortable gesture on the branch on which she was sitting while she stared in the distance. She tried to keep up her courage by thinking about Thorin's words. He trusted her. He believed she could do this, otherwise he never would have let her go.  
Would he ever figure out what she had said to him? Alyssae didn't intend to tell him and she hoped he wouldn't ask for it – if she would ever see him again. If not – those had been beautiful last words, straight from the heart.  
_I love you._  
Something she had never said to anyone before and she possibly would never say it again to someone. Maybe those had been the last words she had spoken to anybody, before cold powers took her away from this world.


	46. Rising Sun - Thorin

Thorin stared tired at the rising sun. Two days had passed since Alyssae's departure and since that moment he had not slept a wink. Not only because he was afraid he wouldn't see Fili and her again, but also because increasing doubts were gnawing. How could he take care of a people if he wasn't even able to guide a group of fifteen persons from A to B? The hobbit had died, the wizard was gone – although he never had felt responsible for him – and the hope that Alyssae and Fili would return slipped through his hands.  
Besides, the clock was ticking. When they did not reach Erebor before Durin's day, everything was lost and the ones who had passed away, had died in vain. He really loved the son of his sister, but he could not leave his people in misery because he was waiting on a family-member who was probably never coming back. He didn't want to give him up, but if there was someone who could find him, it was Alyssae. Her sight and hearing were much better than that of all of them and when she found him, they would travel to Erebor anyway.  
He pushed away the thoughts about the elf, which brought up a pain he rather ignored. He was not sure how he felt about her, but he considered her as a full member of the group, even though it was hard to admit. He didn't know what was holding him back. Unless she proved to care about their wellbeing, she still was an elf and it was hard to put his faith into her hands. He trusted her, but less than every dwarf around him. Furthermore it was also some kind of self-protection. After all, when she_ would_ turn her back to them, she would crush many dwarf hearts – and, if he was honest, his own heart probably wasn't an exception. For that reason it was better when he didn't attach much value to her.  
It felt like she had a magical effect on the group. Since her departure Bombur and Kili were sitting before the entrance to the woods, staring disheartened into the distance. Once in a while Bombur let go of his tears, which made Thorin feel very uncomfortable. He himself had search the hinterland the last days, looking for a sign of Azog, who was without a doubt still hunting him. Being busy kept his disturbing thoughts away, even though they overwhelmed him as soon as he tried to catch some sleep at night.  
Yesterday Gloín had found some fresh footprints and had told him it wouldn't take long before they would be discovered. One more reason to leave in time. He would like to submit his decision to the others soon, but in silence he dreaded their reaction.

'We have to move on,' Thorin spoke when everyone was awake.  
Kili looked at him in shock. 'What about my brother? And Alyssae?'  
'Time is running out.'  
'But we can't leave them behind.' Bofur glanced him upset in the eyes.  
'We already did.' Fortunately Dwalin supported him. 'Right now we do nothing but wasting our time.'  
'They know where we are heading for,' Thorin insisted. 'We might encounter them on our way.'  
'As if we can cross the woods without Alyssae's help,' Kili sniffed.  
Thorin stared at his nephew for a long time. It was clear the young dwarf still blamed him for trying to beat down the elf. He didn't really care about Kili's thoughts, since he hadn't experienced the fight that was going on in his head. He had been under a spell and if there was anybody who regretted the fact he had attacked Alyssae, it was him. He wondered if she had forgiven him. Would she have said that when she had whispered to him, right before she disappeared in the Mirkwood? He had thought about it for days, but he knew no elfish words and he hadn't dared to ask Balin. Maybe it turned out to be some kind of insult.  
'Can we travel around the woods?' Nori wanted to know.  
Balin shook his head. 'We'll never reach the mountain in time.'  
Thorin sighed. He didn't look forward to go back into that moody forest, but he believed he had no choice.  
'Furthermore there is a chance the enchanted forest will keep the orcs away from us,' Gloin pondered. 'They are close.'  
'I rather fight with hundred orcs than going back into that sick forest,' Kili grumbled. 'There the enemy is invisible.'  
Thorin glanced shortly at him, while he was torn apart by doubts. They needed the elf. She had been able to bring rest to their minds.  
'Let us wait one more day,' Balin proposed.  
Thorin stared at the horizon, almost expecting to see the dust-clouds of running wargs. It was just stay of execution. It was a tempting proposal, since he really wanted the two to come back, but he knew the chance was little. Too little.  
Nonetheless he admitted to Balin's words. 'One more day.'  
After those words he turned around and searched for seclusion. He took the map and stared at the lines, as if he hoped the paper would suddenly reveal a solution.

_'Are you jealous?'_  
Thorin was startled by the sudden words in his head. He had drowsed off a little and looked around alarming. There was no danger to be seen.  
The last days it happened more and more that rags of his conversations with Alyssae floated through his mind.  
It was a question he was not able to answer. He was hundred and ninety-five years old now, and all those time had had lived in loneliness. Soon he would be on the throne – if that would ever happen – and there would be nobody with who he could share his thoughts. There would be nobody who laughed with him, ate with hem or kept his bed warm at night.  
He wasn't jealous at Fili, since Alyssae was engaged to an elven prince and he wondered why she had asked the question. Had she expected an affirmative answer? Had she hoped for it?  
His thoughts about her called confusing feelings, which he preferred to push away. Most of the time he succeeded to do so, but when he was confronted with the loneliness, they came back all of a sudden.  
He had to admit he was quite shocked when he found out she was engaged, but he didn't want to draw conclusions from that. The idea still caused a strange feeling in his stomach, but he rather did not give it a moment's thought. He stood up and walked back to the others, convinced their voices would chase away his reveries about the elf.


	47. Thorn Apart - Alyssae

Her dress was soaked in blood. She could smell it – the odour of the dead. It was all around her. She stood up. Her legs were shivering and she felt as light as a feather. The world spun around her and she wanted to go back to the numbness she had just awakened from. Her mind was tired and her senses were exhausted.  
She knew nothing, except that Fili was nowhere to be found. She bet the dwarves weren't waiting for her anymore. Although they had spoken kind words when she left, they would take it back when she would return with empty hands.  
But Alyssae was at her end. She was broken. She had no idea when she had changed her place in the trees for the solid ground and she dragged herself forward, without really looking at signs which pointed at the presence of Fili.  
She could better turn back, although she didn't even know which way to go. Defeated she leaned against a tree, ready to give in. However, the tree disappeared suddenly and changed into a horrible spider leg. Shocked she backed down, while the animal started to speak to her.  
'Are you looking for your little dwarf friend? It won't take long before you meet him again!'  
Alyssae touched for her sword, which felt incredibly heavy in her hands. She could not lift it up and with large eyes she saw how the beast came closer. His mouth terrified her and shook her awake from its dark spell. She let go of the sword and climbed in one of the trees. She had no idea which reserves she used, but she was glad they were there. She got higher and higher. The spider was too big to follow her, although it would certainly call its congeners.  
When she overlooked the canopies, she saw a blood red sun.  
Despair overflew her and her lower lip started to shake. Fili was dead. She had failed. The only thing she still had to do, was sharing the message with his brother and uncle. No longer she paid attention to the things that possibly followed her, but she followed the sun, knowing it would lead her to the others.

Alyssae fell down on her knees when she had left the woods behind. She would never ever go back there. The dwarves better came up with something else. The dwarves...  
There was no one who reacted on her return. She raised herself, her limbs trembling heavily. Her mandible dropped down when she saw them and she fell back into the grass, crying heart rendering.  
On hands and feet she crawled towards them. The first she reached, was Bombur. She pulled up herself with help of his enormous belly. His clothes were soaked with blood. His mouth was open in a horrified, silent scream and his eyes stared above.  
'No,' she whispered. She crawled further, to Kili. She shook his body, but he didn't respond. His head was almost ripped off his body and everywhere were deep injuries, as if a monster had torn him apart.  
Alyssae couldn't stand up anymore. She leaned against his lifeless body and her cries were unstoppable, so that she almost drowned in her tears. He had been so young! A whole life had been waiting for him!  
Were they all dead? She crawled to everyone, hoping for sign of life. She shook their bodies angrily, yelled in their ears and beat their faces, but none reacted.  
'Oh Thorin,' she sniffed when she found her prince. His eyes were closed peacefully, but the rest of his body was mutilated – grinded under brute violence.  
She took his battered, bleeding hands between hers. His fingers were stiff and swollen and she brought them to their lips.  
'Come back,' she whispered, her throat swelled by grief. Tears rolled down her cheeks.  
She moved a little and pulled his head into her lap. With shaking hands she wiped away the long, dark hairs from his face. 'Come back,' she uttered whispering. 'I loved you. I don't want to live without you.'  
She kept repeating the words while she fondled his face and her tears made his cheeks glitter. In a fit she bowed forward and kissed his cold, lifeless lips, hoping for a mythical magic which would bring him back to life.  
Of course nothing happened. It became harder to breathe and she had the feeling she would choke.  
She shrunk, her arms around him and she cradled him. So she was sitting, for hours.  
For days – until someone kneeled before her, grabbed her chin brutally and turned her face towards him. Pointy, metal claws ripped open her skin.  
'The dwarf scum is dead.'

Alyssae looked at the pale orc with an empty glance. He had taken everything from dwarves – they were all dead, while in the meantime she cared so much about them she would have given her own life for them. They all left behind a gaping hole on the inside. Some had been friends. She had experienced a friendship which meant more to her then the most relationships she had in her hometown.  
And Thorin…  
There was no way to express her feelings. She hadn't know him very long and often they had disagreed, but he had meant the world to her. He had broken her heart and she doubted she would ever meet someone else with who she wanted to be so badly.  
None of them would ever smile again or take op the arms. None of them would return home and embrace their families. She knew she would undergo the same fate.  
She was part of the company and she wouldn't follow another path. She would die here, with Thorin in her arms and her friends around her.  
Azog however pushed her away from Thorin, spitted on her and started to laugh. 'You will think about the dwarf scum your whole long life, while can't even die, elf.'  
He bared his teeth in a horrible grin, turned around and left her behind.  
Hopeless. Torn apart. Died with the dwarves, but still forced to live an eternity with this unbearable pain.


	48. Going Nowhere - Alyssae

Her dreams were shattered. Guilty feelings bolted her. If Kili hadn't freed her from the goblin dungeons, would the dwarves then still be alive? Fili and Kili wouldn't have been forced to find shelter with her between the rocks and they would have gone into the woods with the others directly, where they could have shaken off Azog much easier.  
It didn't matter. Whatever she did, she couldn't change a thing. She wanted to grab one of the swords which were lying on the ground to fall into it, but she couldn't find the courage. She had a life in Chyndall where others were waiting for her. Her family. Her _real_ family. It seemed another life – intangible far away. But it was there.  
Slowly she raised herself and looked at all the bodies around her. She couldn't leave them behind that way. She preferred to bring them all to Erebor to bury them in their homeland, but she knew that was impossible. She let go of Thorin and stumbled around, looking for an axe with which she could cut a hole in the round.

Suddenly she felt an inexplicable pressure around her legs, which were pressed together. She fell on the ground and tried to loosen the invisible ties, but while she was trying to, something was spun around her head. She hitched the strange threads which were spun around her face and took away her sight and breath. They were sticky and she lashed out when her arms were pressed against her body.  
The ground seemed to disappear beneath her feet and she dropped down, in an abysmal depth. Alyssae was totally lost and she saw the ground coming closer very rapidly. She was back in the deep darkness of Mirkwood, although it wouldn't take long. She squeezed her eyes, afraid to dash, but suddenly she was hanging. She wobbled up and down for a moment, without happening anything.

It took a long time before Alyssae realized she had had a nightmare. A nightmare! The dwarves were still alive! Again she cried out loud, but this time because the hole in her chest was filled again. While she welcomed the warm feelings which had left her during her sleep, she pulled the orc sword from the scabbard and tried to free herself from the spider web that had caught her during her fall. It was hard to break the thick threads, but in the end she fell on the thick layer of leaves that covered the ground. There she kept sitting drowsy, while she tried to escape from the rags of her nightmare that were still flowing through her mind.  
Despite the relief that everything had been a dream, the nightmare had been so lifelike that her heart was still racing. Had it just been a sick fantasy or was it an omen, just like the time when they were heading for Beorn? Was a supernatural power trying to convince her that she had to leave behind Fili, so she could save the others? Would they ever accept that from her when she would return?  
Of course not. Thorin had shown before that he didn't like visions and that would be no different this time. But was she willing to take that risk? She was rather bawled out by him then that she would discover him dead. She bit on her nails. When her nightmare wasn't meaning anything at all, she would give up her search for nothing.

Alyssae kept looking a little while longer, but the desire to go back to the others grew stronger and stronger. She believed she already would have given in when it was about any dwarf but Fili. He had come back for her when she had been stuck in Beorn's house and he hadn't left before he found her. This was one of the reasons she didn't want to stop the search. Moreover he was her friend. His brother and he had stuck up for her so long when no one else did.  
Although Alyssae wasn't sure, she supposed the night begun again. She was terribly hungry, but preparing food was the last thing she was thinking about. Even more, she had nothing but her sword and she didn't dare to eat any of the thousands of mushroom, of which most were probably poisonous.  
'You have to go back, Alyssae,' she mumbled to herself. 'This is going nowhere.'  
A deep sigh escaped her lips while she turned around and started her return. She wasn't sure if she was heading for the right direction, but she didn't want to climb to the top of the trees again, only to see a blood red sun.  
Furthermore her shoulder ached so much she was sure she would never get that high, although travelling by foot slowed her down. She pulled herself upon the lowest branches and moved in topmost concentration – back to the dwarves.


	49. Growing Fear - Alyssae

Alyssae just crossed a cliff when something strange caught her eye. Carefully she glided down the tree while she walked to a huge silhouette. For safety reasons she drew her sword, which she lowered when she noticed it was a gigantic spider that was lying on its back. His paws stood upright, as black branches, and they were slightly bended. She sniffed when she came closer. The animal dispersed an immense smell and she already wanted to turn around, until she saw something was sticking out of his belly. A sword. Hesitating she climbed between the hairy legs. Her knees sagged a little in the carcass that had become flaccid and a disgusting odour penetrated her nostrils.  
Alyssae grabbed one of the legs and stretched her arm for the sword. Her shoulder bounced painfully but the weapon gave her so much hope she achieved to hold on, to pull the sword out of the dead body of the spider. She swept the blade, which was covered with intestines, off onto the paws of the animal and looked at the weapon. Although she never had a special interest in Fili's sword, the small length told her it had to be his.  
She bent her knees and searched for a trail between the leaves. Although the sight was bad she stumbled upon footsteps after a while. Since there was no breathe of wind the leaves had barely moved and she could feel the profile of his shoes.  
On hands and feet she followed the trail. She sunk down so easily she had to stand and after every five steps she bend down to control if she was still following his footsteps.

Alyssae felt like the world was spinning around when she ended up at a cliff, where traces of gliding showed that Fili had fallen down. With help of protruding roots she climbed down. With every move she made, her fear grew. Fili must have fallen deeply and the river streamed wildly. He was probably dragged along.  
'Fili!'  
Her voice echoed through the silent wood. She didn't care that everything and everyone was alarmed by her presence: all she wished for was that Fili heard her.  
Now and then she repeated his name but an answer stayed away. Despondent she wandered along the shore but the young dwarf was nowhere to be found. She followed the path until she came across a waterfall, where she crossed the river to walk back to the point she started.  
The lack of food started to take its toll but Alyssae kept pushing it forward. Until that bend, then she would search for something. Until that large tree and then she would try to catch some fish…

When she came back at the place she descended, she fell down on her knees. What was she supposed to do? The only food she had seen, were squirrels, but the animals fled as soon as she was heard and she had nothing but two swords.  
In the end she took a hand full of dead leaves which surrounded her. At home they always ate vegetables, so why wouldn't her body live on it?  
Without thinking clearly she crammed the leaves in her mouth. It was horrible – very, very horrible. She retched but pushed more into her mouth, not giving it the chance to come out again. She tried not to think about the little animals that nestled in it and impassively she moved her jaws.  
The hungry feelings didn't go away. She stood up again while she became conscious of her sore throat. She didn't want to drink from the creek since she suspected the water to be enchanted. She had finished her water yesterday and she decided not to yield to the thirst already.  
Alyssae continued her search along the river bed. She now walked upstream and deemed the chance very little that he went this way, but it was her last hope.  
'Fili,' she yelled once more, but no reaction came back.  
Or…  
She pricked up her ears when she heard a weak calling. It came indeed from far away but when she heard the voice again she knew she hadn't imagined.  
'Fili!' she screamed while she started to run. Now and then she stumbled on invisible rocks or roots but she went on while crying his name.


	50. Curious and Cautious - Alyssae

Just before Alyssae reached the dwarf, she stumbled on a root. A few moments she floated through the air, before she hit the ground and banged with her head against a tree trunk.  
'Are you alright?' a worried voice sounded.  
Alyssae looked up confused. That wasn't Fili's voice.  
'What are you doing here?' she asked baffled when she recognized Bofur, while she rubbed her head.  
She let him help her on her feet and hugged him tightly. He was alive and kicking. And he was here, with her.  
'Thorin didn't want to wait,' he said shortly. 'Did you find Fili?'  
Alyssae shook her head regretfully, but she showed him the sword she had just found. 'I just pulled it out of a dead spider. He's near,' she spoke convinced. Now she had found Bofur, she was encouraged again.  
'Where are the others?'  
'The path is near.'  
The fact that the dwarf took her in hesitating, as if he was afraid she could collapse at any moment, didn't escape her.  
'Don't worry about me.'  
His worrying look however showed that he nevertheless did so. He wrapped an arm around her lower back to help her and since Alyssae was dead tired – unless her former protests – she allowed thankfully his help. As soon as the others saw her, he let go of her.  
'Kili!' she yelled when she noticed him. He ran to her and she wrapped her arms around him.  
'I was so worried!'  
Alyssae saw he looked hopefully behind her and she sighed softly. 'I just found his trail! He's near!' She let go of him and looked into his sad, brown eyes. 'We'll find him, Kili. We'll do.' She took his hands and squeezed his fingers encouraging.  
The dwarf smiled carefully, but it seemed he didn't dare to hope anymore. Before Alyssae could look around, she felt two large arms around her, which hold her so close it hurt.  
'You're back!'  
'You're almost killing her,' Bofur chuckled and the arms disappeared quickly. Alyssae turned around and saw Bombur's cheeks had turned a little red. He looked crestfallen at her.  
'Good to see you,' she smiled. Her eyes started to tear. She couldn't believe they were still alive, while she had seen them dead on the ground not so long ago. Killed in a brute way.  
'Where is the rest?'  
Alyssae saw three more dwarfs were missing: Gloin, Dwalin and Thorin.  
'They will come back soon,' Dori answered. 'They went into the forest to look for you.'  
Alyssae looked awaiting at the trees, hoping to see them, but deep inside she was afraid somebody would be missing again. Even she could barely escape from a gigantic spider after her awakening.  
'Sit down,' Balin insisted after he had come to greet her. 'You look like you can't bear much more.'  
Alyssae followed his order and took place on the path. Someone pushed a waterbottle in her hand, which she finished empty minded. It eased her throat, but still she got the feeling her glands were swollen.  
'This is for you.' Bombur gave her a part of his food, of which wasn't clear what it was. She however didn't care – it couldn't be worse than dead leaves.  
Grateful Alyssae ate. She just swallowed the last part when she heard new voices and the three men appeared. From the ground Alyssae looked up to Thorin. Although she knew better, she still hoped he would hug her in relief, just like Bombur and Kili had done, but he just nodded at her.  
Alyssae couldn't help to feel disdainfully. She had risked her life to save his nephew and all he did was nodding to her, as if she was some kind of slave who had accomplished her tasks properly.  
Of course her own feelings were coloured by the memory of his dead body and the despair she had felt since that nightmare. But it had just been a dream and he would never know about it. The traces of that fear were mingled with the goodbye of a few days ago. Now she thought back she felt very uncomfortable and she wished she had never spoken that sentence in her native tongue to him.  
'You haven't found Fili?'  
She didn't like him to rise above her and she stood up. 'No, I haven't hidden him in the bushes.'  
Of course this was not the moment to make jokes, but Alyssae experienced so much emotions she could only find it a dumb question, on which he could expect a dumb answer.  
Thorin sniffed and turned his face away, while Alyssae stared at him in disbelief.  
'By the heavens, Thorin… are we starting this all over again?'  
The voices of the other dwarves silenced and they watched Thorin and Alyssae in turn, both curious and cautious.


	51. Thinking About Us - Alyssae

'Let's find Fili,' Kili insisted and Alyssae had to agree. His brother was more important than whatever disagreement with Thorin. 'Alyssae found his sword nearby.'  
'Let's go in couples,' Bofur proposed, which neither was a bad idea.  
'We'll go together,' Alyssae decided. 'Since last time the enchantment had the biggest influence on you.'  
Before the dwarf prince could protest, Alyssae's fingers enclosed his wrist and she dragged him along. Her fingers tingled where their skins made contact and she let go of him when he didn't seem to raise protests.  
She was surprised, but she was glad he finally behaved wisely.  
'Mind the way back!' she yelled over her shoulder to the others. 'When you start to doubt, you have to go back immediately!'  
Without saying anything, Alyssae brought Thorin to the place where the young dwarf had fallen down. There were many things she wanted to ask him, but decided this was not the right moment. If he would walk away angry again, he might be gulped down by the magic of the wood.  
'How many days have passed since I left?' Alyssae asked softly.  
'Almost four days.'  
Her heart sunk. That meant Fili was exposed to the sorcery for a long time. Even when they would find him, he wouldn't be the same.  
'We have to cross the river.'  
Thorin looked pensively at her. Although Alyssae had moved through the trees in the first place, she knew that was impossible now the dwarf was with her. A passage through the water was too dangerous, because there was a heavy stream and the roaring waterfall was close.  
'Do you think Fili crossed the water?'  
Alyssae avoided eye contact. Actually she didn't dare to say what she was really thinking, because she had suppressed that fear the whole time.  
'I am afraid he has fallen into the water and drowned.'  
She bit on her lower lip. Now that she had spoken the words, it seemed much more definitive.  
'It's just… I couldn't say it when Kili was around. When we search this area and find nothing, we may suggest this option carefully.'  
She looked hesitated at Thorin, but to her surprise he didn't seem very affected. She however did see a mournfulness in his eyes which caused goose bumps, but it seemed as if he had accepted Fili's fate a while ago.  
'You obviously don't think otherwise,' Alyssae mumbled. 'Is that the reason you left?'  
She didn't intend to bring this subject up in the first place, but she felt a little disappointed because the dwarves had left her to die.  
'We didn't want to lose more time.'  
Alyssae tried to catch his eye, but she got the feeling Thorin tried to let that not happen.  
'Lose time?'  
'Nevermind.'  
Alyssae stared at him in disbelief. It was clear he still kept silent about some things.  
'No. I don't want to be treated as an inferior any longer.'  
Thorin sighed. 'Do we have to do this now?'  
She shrugged. 'There is no point in breaking my neck when I suspect you to leave me behind whenever it suits you.'  
He rolled his eyed irritated. 'How much times do I have to tell you I don't hate you?'  
Alyssae couldn't help her cheeks turned red. She felt like a little child that was looking for approval the whole time, but she couldn't change her uncertain feelings.  
'You don't always behave that way.'  
'I was convinced you would find Fili and that you would travel to Erebor together.'  
Alyssae looked the other way, not knowing if he was disappointed in her.  
'I am sorry I betrayed your trust,' she mumbled.  
She did not look at him but pricked uselessly with her sword in the ground.  
'I think you had higher expectations of yourself then we had.'  
Carefully she glanced at Thorin. He didn't sound angry.  
'You never expected me to find him, huh?'  
The dwarf shook his shoulders. 'I hoped so, but that hope declined when time passed by. Frankly I hadn't suspected to see you back at all.'  
Hopefully Alyssae looked into his eyes, although she didn't know where she was looking for. An immense joy?  
His face didn't show the slightest emotion, which shouldn't surprise her.  
'I don't understand why you went back into Mirkwood after that attack of the voices the last time.'  
'We had no choice if we wanted to maintain lead of the orcs.'  
A shiver crept along her spine when she thought back about her dream.  
'I dreamed you were all dead,' she whispered while she stared at the ground. Tears itched her orbits. 'I thought it was a vision.'  
She looked up hesitating and saw Thorin studied her face distantly. She longed for his arms around her, but she knew she was on the way with the only dwarf who would never do that.  
'Well, we're still alive.'  
Thorin glanced around, as if he wanted to let her know they were looking for Fili and that there was no room for nightmares.  
Alyssae straightened her shoulders, but she still knew he hid something from her, although he probably thought the conversation had led away from the subject.  
'The orcs weren't the only reason you left us behind, huh?'  
The reactions of the other dwarves had given away that not everyone had stand behind Thorin's decision. Nobody's life had been at stake.  
'We have to reach the mountain before Durin's Day,' Thorin let her know while his eyes searched the river bank, although they both knew they wouldn't find Fili. 'Only then we can find the door.'  
'And when is that supposed to happen?'  
Thorin turned his face away. 'Just a few weeks. We don't know how long the journey will last, so every moment we are detained might stand in the way of our return.'  
Alyssae nodded understandable, glad he had trusted her. Still she was eager to know how they wanted to slay a dragon, but that was something for later. First they had to leave this forest.  
'Should we go back?' Alyssae proposed.  
Thorin was silent for a moment, but then agreed. She felt a lump in her throat when she saw a glittering tear in the corner of his eye, but he winked it away quickly.  
'Fili was your successor, wasn't he?' she asked softly.  
She suddenly realised he hadn't fathered posterity himself.  
The dwarf prince nodded once and sighed. 'Probably.'  
She wondered which thoughts had wandered through his mind when he concluded his nephew and successor had feelings for her – an elf. Would he have feared that she would reign his kingdom?  
While they turned around she looked at the dwarf from the corners of her eyes. Would he be bothered by the fact he had raised no children? Was that one of the reasons which made him so dreary? For a moment a thought flashed through her head, where his hand was laying on her swollen belly, while he smiled proudly at her. She gasped for breath because of that sudden image and she looked at him shyly, as if he could have heard her thoughts. She felt ashamed and very uncomfortable in his presence again.  
'Are you alright?'  
Thorin's eyebrows had changed into a seldom, caring frown and she didn't know what to answer. Supposedly it was visible she was battling her own thoughts.  
'Yes,' she jabbered confused. 'I just thought about us and -'  
In shock she cut off her sentence. Where did those words come from? What had come over her that she said those things loudly?  
'You were -'

Alyssae would never know what Thorin thought of her unthinking statement. Suddenly something heavy fell upon her, because of which she lost her balance. Anxious she grasped Thorin and she landed on the dwarf.


	52. Awkwardness - Alyssae

Alyssae barely got the chance to see what was happening. The weight disappeared from her back, which almost fell broken, and the next moment she was lifted in the air by her right leg.

'Alyssae!'  
The horror in Thorin's eyes frightened her and there was no way she would let go of him. He raised himself a little so she could wrap her arms around his waist. She screamed because she got the feeling she was torn apart. The muscles in her arm burnt when she was lifted higher and higher. She drew Thorin along.  
'Don't let me go,' she whispered while tears run down her cheeks.  
'Of course not.'  
His voice was husky and his eyes showed the fear which he was battling. He could escape from this danger by pushing her away, but instead he hold her waist with one arm as well. With his other hand he tried to cut the thing that was holding her.

All of a sudden Alyssae spun around. She kept holding the dwarf, but was shaken so heavily she couldn't think anymore. Sticky threads appeared all around her and their arms and legs were pressed together.  
Alyssae screamed so loudly Thorin squeezed his eyes while cursing, but she knew her helpless screams were their only hope.  
Suddenly they hung quietly. She felt an inexplicable pressure on her head.  
'We are going to die,' she concluded when she realized they hung upside down on a branch. The outlook to be eaten together by a spider was a more comforting thought than that she would find him totally ripped open in the grass.  
Thorin didn't speak. His breath brushed her neck and she wondered if he was brooding on a way out. Alyssae knew he wouldn't come up with anything. They were pressed together in some kind of cocoon and they couldn't move an inch. She wasn't even able to kiss his lips, although a rejection was the last thing she wanted to hear from him. Although it was hardly better than the words he did say.  
'This is your fault.'  
'What?' she asked in disbelief.  
'I told you this wasn't the right moment to talk. If you hadn't been so busy with gabbling we would at least have heard that thing.'  
Her hands were itching. 'If I wasn't stuck here, I would have slapped you in the face,' she grumbled.  
'You disagree?'  
'It was not a monologue.'  
An aggrieved sniff was audible, but that was all they could do.  
'You are unbearable. Even the moment you're about to die.'  
Unbearable and irresistible.  
'Speak for yourself. You dragged me into this misery. Literally.'  
Alyssae's cheeks turned red. By shame or by anger, she didn't know.  
'You held me just as tight as I held you.'  
She muttered the words and if he hadn't been so close, she would have believed he couldn't hear her.  
Thorin murmured something back, but she supposed it was in his own language.  
Alyssae's fingers crept to his hand. 'Do we really have to storm at each other during the last moments of our lives?'  
It was silent for a while, until Thorin yielded in the end. 'You are right.'

Alyssae was in two minds. Would she tell her secret? Would it ease his death when he knew she loved him? She knew it would mean the world to her, but she was the one who searched for confirmation.  
What was he thinking aboutf? The dwarf woman who had stolen his heart?  
She took a deep breath and asked: 'I am sorry you will never see her again.'  
'Who?'  
'That dwarf woman.'  
'You think I care about _that_?' he grumbled, while he started to move wildly with his shoulders again, trying to free himself.  
'Kili will become a great king, just like you. You don't have to worry about that. But I understand when you regret there's no time to spend with her and-'  
'There is no one!' he snarled so angry her ears hummed. 'Do I have to spell it out for you?'  
Alyssae held her tongue, but she couldn't believe his words. 'I saw it in your eyes,' she whispered. 'So she already passed away?'  
Would that make it easier to look Death right in the eyes?  
The only reaction she received was an irritated sniff. 'You are unbelievable. Why do you even think about such things before we die!'  
'Because it is useless to elbow our way through. We will not escape from this web.'  
'I will not give up.'  
'You will only die sooner when you wear yourself out. Maybe the others will find us.'  
Thorin seemed to see a truth in her words and became a little calmer. There was just a little chance they would be found, but it was better than giving up. They were still close to the road.  
Alyssae started to feel hot. There was almost no fresh air in this dead forest, and it was even worse in this cocoon, especially by Thorin's strains.

A long time they were both quiet. Alyssae started to feel a little sleepy, which frightened her.  
'We have to talk,' she said. 'Otherwise we'll fall asleep and never wake up again.'  
Thorin sighed deeply. She already found out he didn't like to talk.  
'It was a relief to be redeemed from your voice.'  
'Then talk yourself. I like to listen to your voice.'  
Thorin looked up surprised, but Alyssae shrugged honestly – one of the few movements she could still make. 'I can't help it.'  
'What on earth should I talk about?'  
Alyssae almost wanted to suggest that he could talk about Erebor, but in time she realised that could be a painful memory at the moment.  
'What did you do those days you were waiting for me?'  
'Not much,' he answered. 'I explored the surroundings and tried to sleep.'  
'Exciting.'  
Thorin looked up again and when their eyes met Alyssae felt goose bumps on her arms.  
'Above all I wondered what you said to me, just before you left.'  
Alyssae started to sweat even more. She opened her mouth, but closed it quickly. The dwarf prince however kept looking awaiting at her. Her mouth became dry and it was difficult to swallow.  
Even now they both were looking into a deep abyss, while they knew they would be pushed into that dark depth very soon, she didn't dare to repeat the words in the common speech.  
'There is no translation.'  
Thorin's eyebrows formed a deep V. He didn't believe her.  
'Was it an insult?' His voice trembled frightfully.  
Alyssae looked the other way. Maybe he considered it as an insult indeed that he was loved by an elf.  
'At least it wasn't meant as an insult.'


	53. Shattered Dreams - Fili

He saw colours he couldn't describe. He heard noises he couldn't identify. Unknown aroma's penetrated his nostrils while he was not in state to define them. He dared to state he had eaten different delicacies without being aware, since their aftertaste was still in his mouth.  
Now and then Alyssae's face appeared, where by her violet eyes glittered like gems. Her long, dark hair waved over her shoulders like a waterfall that was lit up by the moon. She smiled lovely to him and offered her hand, but suddenly she disappeared because a bright coloured wave washed her away. In vain he searched for a sign of her.  
Sometimes he heard her voice and at times it shifted in the voice of his brother. Kili…  
Why was his brother not with him? Where was he? Often he tried to raise himself, but he had no control of his own body. Sometimes he ran across green fields, sometimes he floated like an eagle above a huge sparkling lake. Other times he fell on his knees in the dust, respectfully looking to an enormous lonely mountain, while the tears run down his cheeks without a reason.  
Fili however kept the feeling the colours started to fade and that the noises silenced, as if he was dying. On the one hand it frightened him, on the other hand the impressions were so overwhelming he felt exhausted. Sometimes he believed to see things which could impossibly be from this world, because of which death suddenly made him very curious.

Fili knew for sure. There was an elf talking to him. He opened his eyes and screamed her name. Somebody looked him in the eyes, but it clearly was not Alyssae. He fell back in the pillows and looked around disorientated.  
Somebody gave a short order and someone else left the room. Timidly he looked at the two elves who stood beside his bed. Both looked like a woman, but he didn't dare to bet they actually were female.  
'You've left this world for a long time, mister dwarf,' the one to the right spoke. From his voice Fili concluded he was a man after all. 'Drink this. You will feel much better.'  
In silence Fili drank from the cup that was offered to him. His attention was led away by his rumbling stomach.  
'How long?' he asked confused.  
'We have found you in the forest five days ago.'  
A door was opened and a tall elf with snow white hair stepped towards him. He took place at the edge of his bed and gave him a penetrating look, as if he wanted to intrude his brain. Fili tried to look the other way, but when the man started to talk his voice was soft and far from unfriendly.  
'During your sleep you often said the name Alyssae.'  
The hearing of her name put a smile on his face.  
'Who is she?'  
'She is an elf,' he answered dreamy, hoping the elves wouldn't hurt him as they heard what he had done for her. 'My brother freed her from a goblin dungeon.'  
A relieved sigh escaped from the lips of the elf.  
'Are you her brother?' Fili glanced curiously at him and tried to find a similarity between Alyssae and him, but his eyes were as blue as the sky and his hair was as bright as the sun.  
He wasn't very surprised when the man shook his head. 'No. She is my fiancé.'  
Fili got the feeling someone beat him against the chest. 'What?' he murmured in disbelief. He shook his head, as if that could save him from the truth. It felt like his heart was torn apart, as if he discovered he was holding on to a lie his whole life. His breath speeded up and he felt a lump in his throat.  
The elf kept looking into his eyes and Fili clenched his fingers to fists, although he missed the strength to raise his arms. His heart bounced painfully in his chest.  
The elves spoke to each other in their own language and his eyelids fell down again. The dreams which followed, were much darker now and he wanted to be delivered from them. What had these elves done to him?  
'I am her fiancé.'  
Those were the words which kept chasing him, no matter how far he ran. He pushed his hands against his ears so he didn't have to hear them anymore, but the words slipped between his fingers. No matter what he tried to do, the sentence became harder and harder, more aggressive, so that he shrunk down and could do nothing but accept that there was no way to silence the speakers.


	54. Blind Anger - Alyssae

Alyssae's cheeks burned when Thorin kept looking into her eyes. 'I think you have quite an idea of what I said.  
'She let go of his hand uncomfortably.  
'Of course,' he answered scornfully. 'My Sindarin is excellent.'  
The fact that she didn't want to translate her words, seemed to make him angry and she wondered what was going through his head. What options was he considering? Would it ever cross his mind that she loved him?  
At the moment she wanted to give in, they suddenly fell down. She bent her back when she touched the ground, but Thorin's weight upon her made her sunk back into her painful gesture. A scream of pain echoed through the mouse-still forest and she tried to raise herself, but still she could barely move and despite Thorin's small shape he wasn't light-weighted.  
She could imagine he felt embarrassed to lie upon her, but every move he made caused a torturing ache.  
'Please,' she whispered. 'Don't move.'  
Through her tears she saw Thorin's indignant face. 'We can't keep lying here forever!'  
She squeezed her eyes when the pain fired along her spine again and exploded in her head. Of course Thorin was right, but the pain became too heavy and she lost conscience.

When Alyssae woke up again, she was lying in the grass. A cold draught touched her back lightly and she found out she was lying on her belly, with an uncovered upper body. An unknown elf voice whispered healing words and she wanted to turn around, but somebody placed a hand between her shoulder-blades and pushed her down again.  
'Just a minute. I am almost finished.'  
Finger tips, soft as silk, glided along her spine and a warm stream of energy caused goose bumps on her arms.  
'You can sit now.'  
A little confused Alyssae did as she was ordered. 'Who are you?' she asked curiously to the dark haired elf.  
'Lotus.'  
She handed her the brassiere, which she put on hastily. Her eyes flashed aside and she saw Thorin turned his head away quickly.  
However, Alyssae believed her nudity was just a small price she had to pay for her healing, for it certainly had been an obstacle for the healing process, but that precisely Thorin was the one who had to be a witness, was almost ironically.  
She pulled her dress over her shoulders and couldn't help that she had to chuckle when she saw Thorin, who was still staring into the void.  
'I am dressed again.'  
He mumbled something which didn't reach her ears and he avoided to look her in the eyes, from which she concluded he had seen more than she could handle.  
A nervous giggle left her mouth and Thorin raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
'I hope I have not winded up your fantasies,' she noticed teasing, too happy with her freedom to wonder what Thorin might possibly think of her.  
'You don't have to be afraid,' he grumbled, while his eyes scanned Lotus suspiciously.  
'Thank you,' she said to the elf in their own language. 'We had already lost our hope to be rescued.'  
Lotus bowed shortly and she glanced curiously at the dwarf. She certainly believed they had a strange relationship.  
'They have sent me to find you, Alyssae. Everybody is combing out the woods.'  
Alyssae braided her fingers nervously and glanced at Thorin, who did not like the fact that he was not able to understand their conversation – something Alyssae was very thankful for.  
'The dwarves don't know who I am and I think it will be better if it stays that way.'  
Lotus nodded understandingly. 'We have found one of the dwarves. He had fallen into the river and suffers from the sleeping disease. I do not know if he will awaken, but he mumbled your name.'  
Alyssae took a deep breathe. It might not be sure if Fili would turn back to reality, but he was alive and in the hands of healing experts.  
'We will -'  
'We have to go back,' Thorin interrupted their conversation brutally and he glanced despised at the elf.  
'Have you thanked her already?' Alyssae wanted to know.  
Thorin sniffed and turned his head away.  
'His proud is bigger than the whole of Middle Earth,' Alyssae spoke with a mischievous smile to Lotus in the common tongue. 'But we can wait as long as he behaves irrational.'  
Lotus chuckled and Alyssae couldn't describe how joyful she felt to be in the company of another elf.  
'I have plenty of time.' Lotus nodded at Thorin, who stared furiously at Alyssae. Then he rammed his sword in the ground – full of anger.

As if that movement was some kind of sign, frightened screams cleaved the air. Wild snarling mingled with cries of distress, which could only come from the dwarves. Quickly Thorin took his weapon in his hand again and he followed the screams, directly followed by Alyssae and Lotus.  
Her heart bounced anxiously in her chest while the screams persisted and the noise of metal upon metal attacked their ears.  
With raised swords they jumped upon the path, Lotus with her bow in the hand. However, before she could put an arrow on the string, an orc arrow found its way into her throat. She dropped down dead immediately.  
'Lotus!' Alyssae screamed and she kneeled down next to the elf woman.  
Thorin however pulled her on her feet again. 'There is nothing you can do for her.'  
Alyssae was in shock when she heard the emotion in his voice and an ice cube formed inside her when she noticed Lotus wasn't the only one who had fallen.  
At least two more dwarves were lying on the path, dead silent and bleeding.  
Blinded by anger she dashed towards a warg which feasted upon the body of a dead dwarf, while the tears ran down her face and wrath drove her mad.


	55. Grief and hope - Alyssae

Alyssae cried the most crude curses while she cut warg flesh and stripped the orcs from their arms and legs. From head to toe she was covered with blood and it was even in her eyes and mouth. Her arm was stunned by the lashing of her sword, but there was no way she would lower it. This time she wouldn't stop before she was dead. She was ready to die with the dwarves if that was required.  
Now and then she was still weeping and she tried to avoid the sight of the mutilated bodies. She was staggered by their departure, although they both had family members who had a greater right to weep. The injustice that had happened to these dwarves was too much to comprehend. They had been chased away from their homeland and they had left behind their families to take back what belonged to them. And now they were overrun by a pack of orcs, who didn't even know why they were attacking dwarves.

Even when the last orcs had fled or killed, she clutched her sword with a visceral hatred. The tears kept running down her face while she kept repeating her curses. Her breathe resembled hyperventilation and she was afraid she would pass out again, but she felt so empty inside that even rampage was very welcome.  
Finally she fell on her knees and she stared staggered forward. To the dead body of Bifur, whom was held by a sobbing Bombur. To the motionless body of Dwalin, next to whom the old wise dwarf had kneeled down. Alyssae bended her head and her tears disappeared between the dead leaves. With her bloody hands she clawed through her hair, while she inhaled screeching. They hadn't been her best friends, but they had been part of the group. Part of her.  
Maybe she would have felt less depressed if she hadn't been searching for Fili for five days, or wasn't almost used as a spider meal or hadn't been stuck in an enchanted forest, but everything seemed lost now and she wondered what the point was of all this.  
Alyssae heard someone cleared his throat and she turned her face aside. Thorin had kneeled next to her, but as soon as she saw his red eyes, she started to cry again, knowing they could have been here in time when they had left as soon as Lotus had patched her up. Thorin however blamed her for so many things that this must haunt him as well.  
'I know this is my fault, but please, don't be angry,' she whispered. 'I – can't handle it now.'  
Her shoulders hung and she tried to fight the tears again, but she didn't succeed.  
'Calm down,' his voice sounded in her ear. 'This isn't your fault.'  
She closed her eyes when he wrapped his arms around her. Alyssae clutched at him and she leaned with her head against his chest, for the first time glad he was so small she could lean against him while sitting.  
Hesitant Thorin caressed her hair, although his fingers got entangled in one of the many knots. Now and then a warm tear dropped on her auricle, whereby she knew she wasn't the only one who was stung to the quick by this terrible event.

When Alyssae had become a little calmer Thorin let go of her. His concerning eyes met hers and for a short moment she had the feeling she was somewhere else. The feeling disappeared however when she heard Bombur's horrible sieves.  
'Thanks,' Alyssae whispered, although he would never understand how much this gesture meant to her. She raised and ignored her demonstrating muscles.  
She walked to Bombur and led him away from his cousin. She took over Thorin's role while she tried to calm down the dwarf.  
Bombur seemed to get a little calmer by her presence, but she would never be able to take away the grief.  
For a long time they cried together in silence, until turmoil arose because Dori discovered a respiration by Dwalin.  
Alyssae left Bombur with his brother and she ran to Dori. She kneeled down next to Balin and leant over Dwalin's face, which was fully covered with blood because someone had cut off his ear. She found indeed a weak breath that filled her heart with hope. Dwalin however looked so battered she was afraid it wouldn't take long before he would breathe out his last breath.  
'Can you heal him?' Kili asked in despair.  
Alyssae shook her head. She felt terrible – she was probably the worst elf ever, but she had no idea how she had to treat an injury like this and she wished she had paid more attention during her education.  
The gift didn't suit her, but she knew for sure she could have saved the dwarf if she had had more persistence.  
'We have to find the elves,' she said to Thorin, who didn't disagree now his friend was near death and he had witnessed Lotus's healing powers.  
'The elves?' Kili repeated with a frown.  
Alyssae nodded at the body of the elf. 'She was looking for us. Fili – Fili has sent her.'  
All dwarves seemed surprised and hope flashed in their eyes. Even Thorin stared at her with open mouth, but she shrugged and hoped Fili was awake when they arrived. If that would ever happen…


	56. Undecorated Graves - Alyssae

Alyssae stared at the hole that Bofur and Dori had dug in silence. In a half circle they stood around it, all of them silent.  
A lonely tear ran down her cheek when Bofur and Bombur together lowered the body of their cousin in the grave. She never had had a conversation with Bifur since he hadn't spoken the common language, but still his death had a deep impact. The location where they were made everything even more melancholic. Alyssae wished there would have been flowers to place on his grave, but there were no flowers around, by which it seemed like a honorable funeral wasn't allowed.  
Thorin stepped forward and he eyed sadly at the grave. He said some words in his own tongue, but even without knowing the precise meaning, it was horrible to see the dwarves in this way.  
After Thorin the other dwarves followed and Alyssae was the last one who stepped to the grave. She had no idea what she had to say and she could only whisper 'farewell'. There were so much emotions which tortured her, but her lips seemed frozen and in the end she stepped back, between Thorin en Bombur.  
The dwarves started to sing, sad and heavy. Alyssae felt cold, but she didn't move and stared forward. Their voices were deep and blaring and she closed her eyes.  
When the song came to its end, there was a deep silence, which felt so heavy her legs started to shake. Softly she started to sing a lamentation herself, not only for Bifur, but also for Bilbo, who also deserved a funeral like this.  
Because of the sounds of her voice Bombur started to cry again and she took his hand. Without hesitating she also laid her hand into Thorin's, while the volume became louder. She sung about the beautiful halls in which they would reside now, forever enjoying the delights they missed on earth.  
Thorin squeezed her hand softly as a sign of appreciation and when she looked aside, she saw all the dwarves were holding each other and cried. The sounds became less pure when her emotions had the upper hand, but she continued vigorously, although her words faded away sometimes or were just inaudible whispers.

The only one who did not participate the improvised ceremony was Dwalin. He was lying on the ground and expressed heart rendering cries now and then. He was shaken awake from his shadow state, but fought the pain loudly, because of which Alyssae ended her song early. Two dwarves filled the grave.  
She wondered how much he understood of the situation. Did he know one of them had passed away? Was he afraid the songs would be repeated soon, above his grave? Or was pain the only thing he faced?  
'We have to move on,' she whispered to Thorin while she let go of his hand.  
The dwarf nodded. Together with his nephew he took the initiative to carry Dwalin first.  
Alyssae strolled behind the group. Dwalin's shrieks sent shivers down her spine and she was afraid they would never find the elves in time. She didn't even know how to find them and she hoped they would be led by Dwalins screams, although there was a bigger chance it would attract other, more vicious creatures.

Bofur walked in silence next to Alyssae. She wished she could say something to delight his pain, but every word would fail. The death of Bifur, the injuries of Dwalin and the disappearing of Fili had put out the light in the eyes of everyone. She felt some started to regret their participation and were wondering if this journey would ever reach its destination.  
Alyssae could find no heartening words. She was dead tired and she knew they had to rest, although she didn't dare to suggest. She however only had had cat-naps the last days, fallen down suddenly because of the exhaustion and woken up with a start over and over again because no one kept watch over her.

In the end the path was obstructed by a river. Alyssae stared at it while sighing, knowing nobody was capable to cross that water at the moment.  
'We have to rest first.'  
Thorin looked worried at Dwalin. 'There is no time to rest.'  
'It could take days before we find the elves,' Alyssae answered. 'If we don't sleep, nobody will survive.' She saw Gloin walked to the riverbank and she stopped him with one hand. 'Do not touch the water. It is enchanted.'  
The disappointment was visible on his face, but he returned to the others.  
Alyssae also would have loved to wash away the blood from her body, but the chance was too big she would fall asleep. And maybe she would never wake up.

They finally agreed to try to get some sleep. A few sentries were set out, who tried to make a fire, but as soon as it attracted large moths they put it out again.  
Alyssae rolled on her side and she lost herself in a dreamless sleep. She however was awakened by Dwalin soon, who screamed so loud she jumped up in shock. Disorientated she looked around, expecting enemies who attacked them, but there was no one and she even seemed to be the only one who was aroused by his painful struggle.  
She left her sleeping place. Dori and Thorin stood guard, but they were whispering softly and they didn't pay attention to the river side. She crawled towards the water, took her empty bottle and filled it. On hands and feet she crept to Dwalin. She touched his sweaty face and bit on her lip. His eyes were rolling in their orbits and it hurt her to see the once so strong dwarf like this, fighting against his own body.  
For a moment she hesitated, knowing this could cause his death. But she wanted to end his suffering. She opened the bottle and just wanted to pour some water in his mouth when someone grabbed her arm and turned it on her back, by which she dropped her bottle screaming.


	57. Arguing Voices and Helpless Cries - Alys

p style="text-align: justify;"'Let her go!' Thorin's voice echoed through the sleepy woods, but the strong grasp around her arm kept unchanged and the muscles in her upper arm, which had already been through so much, nagged /'She tries to poison him!'br /The tears appeared in her eyes when Gloin pushed her arm a little /'Stop,' she whispered, 'before you break my arm.'br /Gloin stared so fierce in her eyes she felt /Thorin however was with them within a few steps. 'I do not say it again.'br /The dwarf squeezed his eyes, but let go of her arm unwillingly. 'I swear it, Thorin. You are not objective anymore.'br /'Neither are you,' the dwarf king growled. 'This forest blemishes your mind.'br /'That's not true! Didn't you see her? She wanted to pour water into his mouth. Enchanted water! You don't see anything because she blinds you with her blinking eyelashes and sweet lies!'br /Alyssae stared in shock at the dwarf, wondering if he had always thought about her that way. She however was taken away from her confusing thoughts quickly because Thorin clenched his fists and stormed at Gloin, where after both men fell and rolled over the ground /'Guys!' Alyssae yelled in /They paid no attention to her and their arguing voices competed with the helpless cries of Dwalin. She couldn't listen to it any longer and she hastened to the river bank again, filled the bottle and let the water slip between his lips while the dwarves were still knocking each other's brain out, although others had awakened too, who went to the couple to stop them./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"Slowly the noises died away. Not only the curses from Thorin and Gloin, but also the heated roaring of the deathly sick /His silence shook the others awake. Alyssae glanced at the dwarf with mixed feelings, whom suddenly seemed much more peaceful. Too /'You did it anyway?' Thorin's voice /He looked at her so destructively she shrunk in fear. 'I could not listen to it any longer,' she answered with a soft voice. 'He – he is peaceful now.'br /Thorin bowed over the dwarf and checked his breathing, which was calm now. 'How can you be so sure he will wake up again? Now?' he yelled when she didn't /'I don't know.' She bowed her head, but didn't regret her actions. She wanted to save Dwalin a long and painful dead and if it was his time to go, he probably wanted to go while /'He will not be strong enough to escape from his dreaming state.'br /Thorin looked so angry she was afraid he would hit her, but she strengthened her shoulders. 'If he is not strong enough to wake up, he surely is not strong enough to recover.'br /She cowered when she felt a hand on her back, but when she looked aside she saw it was /'I agree with your decision, but it would have been better if we had discussed this.'br /Alyssae bowed her head and kept silent. She had hoped the dwarves would have never found /Still she felt relieved that Balin understood the necessity, which seemed to calm down the other dwarves as well, although Gloin refused to look at her and Thorin seemed willing to skin her /emHe threw himself into the breach for you,/em she tried to convince herself. She however did not know what Gloin had yelled at him, but something in his gesture had changed after his /'So, can we go back to sleep?' Bombur /Alyssae nodded and dropped down on the ground /'Not you, elf,' Thorin answered. 'It is your turn to stay awake and stand guard.'br /'Elf?' Alyssae repeated, forgetting to breathe. Her eyes burned. Everything she had build up the last days, seemed to be /'Forget it,' she grumbled. 'Pick someone else, because I'm not doing it.'br /She was exhausted and she knew she couldn't stay awake for one more hour. Furthermore she found it an unjust comment: she had wandered through the forest for days to find Fili, while the others hadn't done a /'I stay up,' Kili said quickly and he smiled uncertainly to /Alyssae nodded shortly as a sign of gratitude, but she felt so unsatisfied her thankfulness was pushed away by her anger. She turned her back to them and tried to fall asleep again, but Thorin's ferocious face kept dancing before her closed eyes./p 


	58. Clinging to Ancient Grief - Alyssae

p style="text-align: justify;"Alyssae didn't feel much eased when she was awakened by Bofur the next morning. In silence they ate a frugal meal. Alyssae sat next to Dwalin and she laid a hand on his forehead, which clearly felt less sweaty than last night. However, she did not know what that meant. Was he getting better or was he slowly dying?br /Actually it seemed as if he had already received the embrace of dead, since he was conspicuously /Only when she brought her hand to his nose, she felt a soft breathing, but she wouldn't be surprised if it was only her imagination that was not willing to accept the dead of the /She noticed Gloin kept a sharp eye on her and she got the feeling he would throw an axe at her by the tiniest wrong-looking movement. Thorin's sudden anger had kept off the sleep half of the night and although she wanted to ascribe his behaviour to the magic of the wood, she knew that wasn't the case this time. Her presence still protected them and if not the men never would have fallen asleep, but overpowered her in her /Alyssae was disappointed in Thorin. Or maybe she was just disappointed in herself. Once more she was glad she hadn't told him about her feelings. She didn't want to know what he would have screamed at her./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"'We go, Alys,' Kili interrupted her thoughts and she stood up quickly. She suddenly wondered if she had to tell him about her engagement, before Thorin slipped out an angry word that Kili would misunderstand for some /She couldn't help that she suddenly felt insecure about all her friendships. She glanced aside, but let go of her need to share her feelings when someone named a real problem, of which they hadn't thought yet. 'How do we get to the other side?'br /Alyssae looked at the other side of the river, which wasn't even visible for most dwarves. It was way too risky to cross the river, surely when they had to carry /Kili poked her. 'What is that?'br /He pointed a little to the right and Alyssae's eyes discovered a small boat. 'A barge!'br /The others made surprised noises and discussed about the ways they could get it in their hands. Alyssae decided not to mingle, but she climbed in one of the trees, as she has done the past days, and went to the other side. When she reached the barge she hesitated for a moment. She could leave them behind to search for the elves, without dwarves who were slowing her down. A thought that was raised by her anger, but something she would never do. She would never leave Bofur, Bombur and Kili /And how hard she tried to push her real feelings away: she could never leave Thorin either. She pulled the little boat out of the sand, climbed in and paddled to the other side. The current pushed against the boat, but she had sailed the river since she was a little girl and it wasn't hard to get to the others /'Who's coming first?'br /Nori and Ori stepped in and she brought them back without problems. They thanked with a nod, after which she paddled back to get the next couple./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"When Alyssae had moved half of the group she took a little break. Some dwarves insisted they would do the rest, but she believed that was not a good idea. She had experienced the strong current and she knew an experienced rower could better have the peddles in /On the moment she got in the boat again she realised there was an uneven amount on the other river bank and she knew exactly who would stay behind. /A sour smile played around her lips when her expectations became reality. He stood in his own on the shore, his eyes fixed on her. She felt uncomfortable under his remorseless glance, but a few metres from him she let the barge lean against a large /'What are you doing?' he asked /'Do I mean something to you, Thorin?'br /His eyes flashed in panic to the others, but the dwarves were too far away to hear their conversation, since the water was raging around /He shrugged and gestured impatiently she had to come, but she shook her head /'Maybe I leave you there,' she challenged /'You wouldn't.'br /'How can you be so sure? I am an untrustworthy elf, or am I wrong?'br /'By Durin, don't be so difficult!' he snarled. 'You know I trust you. I have said it so many times by now!'br /She paddled towards him and was shocked the tears had appeared in her /'And still you just know how to make me doubt,' she answered bluntly when he got in the /He glanced shortly in her eyes and took place in front of /Alyssae moved the boat again, but when they were half way, Thorin suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. One moment she hoped he would kiss her, so close were his lips, but the grasp around her upper arm hurt and she let go of the thought /'Don't dare to challenge me emever /emagain, elf.'br /Alyssae pulled loose her arm. 'Why are you acting so unfriendly?'br /She glanced despaired in his bright blue eyes, longing for the /'Gloin was right. The words of my men should be more important than that of an elf. You disgraced me by putting me in a corner – like you have done so many times!'br /Her lower lip started to quiver and she felt terribly weak because she showed how much he hurt /'Forget my words,' she whispered, overcame by disillusion and anger. 'A good king is the last thing you will become when you cling to ancient grief and don't dare to look forward.'br /Thorin came upright fiercely, because of which the barge swung /'Sit down!' Alyssae snarled and she raised a little to pull him down, but he pushed her back roughly. She lost her balance and fell in the /Her screams were muffled by water and she coughed. In a flash she thought to see Thorin's arms, but then everything around her disappeared./p 


	59. Troubled Mind - Thorin

p style="text-align: justify;" The barge tilted dangerously when Thorin grabbed the arm of the elf. He got the feeling long fingers enclosed his throat, which squeezed slowly when her head disappeared under /With danger for his own life he also grabbed her other arm. The boat leaned over even more and a trickle of water slipped /'Stay there!' he snarled to Bofur and Kili, who stood in the water. He knew they didn't trust him with Alyssae anymore – he didn't even trust himself – but they couldn't do more than he did and he didn't want to lose more people in this horrible /He succeeded to get his arm under Alyssae's armpit and pulled her over the edge. Gasping for breath he gripped her middle. He just wanted to check her breathing when he realized the boat started to float faster. He let go of her, grabbed a peddle and rowed to the shore, before they would end up in a rush and capsize./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"Thorin needed all his strength to get to the others, but when he reached them he was blown away by a torrent of /Exhausted he let Kili push him aside, who lifted Alyssae from the barge together with Bofur. Kili looked so nagging at him he looked away ashamed. He however fought the desire to walk away and observed in silence how Kili wiped away her soaked hair from her face, while he searched hopefully for a /'What is wrong with you?' Kili burst out when he came to the conclusion she was in the same state as Dwalin: alive, but not in their world /His nephew stared furiously at him, but Thorin could find no words to defend himself. He saw the fearsome look in her eyes, over and over again, just before she was swallowed by the water. He had no idea what had come over him. He had thought she hadn't treated him with the respect he deserved, but after this he didn't deserve anyone's respect or trust. It was never his intention to welcome her to an eternal sleep and if he was honest, he had no idea what to do now./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"Thorin knew Gloin was right when he had snarled that Alyssae troubled his mind. He didn't dare to define his feelings, but the fact that he wasn't even able to hide his emotions from the rest of the world made him /Since yesterday he knew the elf was too often on his mind. They almost died together, whereby they had been so close he hadn't been able to ignore his desire any longer, although he would never do anything with it. If she would awake someday, there would be another man who was waiting for her. Someone from her own race, just as it was meant to be./p  
p style="text-align: justify;"He felt loaded because he had seen her almost naked. No matter how hard he tried to push the memory away, the image of her beautiful formed, full breasts appeared before his eyes without an announcement and it dried his mouth, burned his cheeks and made his manliness grow. br /A reaction he was really ashamed of, on this moment even more than before. He directed his sad eyes to Kili again, who was screaming at him. His words passed him /'I didn't mean to…'br /The words came out calm and collected, although he didn't know how, since he felt anything but /'We have to go on.' He wanted to go to her dead silent body to carry her, but Kili blocked his /'Stay away from her.'br /'This is my fault,' he huffed. 'I have to carry her.'br /Kili squeezed his eyes and shook his head. 'You almost cut off her arm and poisoned her, so it is better when you stay away from her.' His resolute glance met his. 'We will take care for her, without feeling like it's our duty.'br /Thorin felt the vein on his temple pulsate and he clenched his fist. The condemnation of the others hung above him like a heavy thundercloud. He was afraid everyone had lost fate in him – including /A whining headache made him almost scream, but he pressed his lips together, turned around moody and walked to Dwalin to carry him, knowing his unconscious friend would call up no unwanted feelings./p 


End file.
